Dear Mama,
My first 3 days you left me all alone
Born 4/26, registered 4/28, I guess that's why even as a child I was grown
At least you chose life, I could've been an abortion
In all my tarot readings not one warned me of that fortune
My real mom and dad were so good to me I never even noticed I had a registration
Until I came home from the hospital in 2014 with a ghost pointing and reading it in slow hesitation
And whispered IE birth certificate has been filed, this isn't it
I had too much to think about then and didn't entertain it one bit
They say gods gift to you is life, what you do with it is your gift back
And when my soul bleeds with this pen, I make up for most of where I lacked
I had the best child hood you could imagine
Waking up on my birthday to presents on my bed,
My mom was a candy girl and taught me fashion
And how to shine so bright you can knock a hater dead
My mom, raised me right
Morals, convictions, and choosing when to fight
She showed me a good heart and built a good one from my own
Cause it really could've gone either way if I stayed all alone
My mom, Joni... Everything I aspired to be is cause of her
Never was more proud to be a secretary cause that's what the women in her line always were
She got a 4.0 in college when she graduated at 50
I tried my hardest and best I could do was 3.65 but that's plenty and high for me
She showed me how to leave a man regardless the money over your head
And how to leave someone that isn't treating you right and not sleeping in your bed
The way she decorate a home, you couldn't tell from the inside that the outside cheap siding and mostly brick
And even though my mom was always so tiny, somehow she still showed me to be proud I was thick
So I guess I got to thank you for this ass, hips, and chest
And Im not mad you left me, cause in return he gave me the best
Sometimes I wonder what was your story...
Why you locked my birth certificate so tight I need to go to court just to know
Even now as I write, I feel God's light who taught me keep people as far as you can throw
Now and then, when, I think, I wonder if you ever think of me
I have a DNA kit right here for months now I still never sent in, I guess when I'm ready to see
My parents refuse to tell me, I wonder why to that too
And I can't help but wonder if maybe it's cause they had the chance to meet you
My parents are the only ones that cry next to my hospital bed
Mystery solved no family history so it mustve been you that gave me this fucked up head
And I'm trying not to be mad but 3 days alone left me not even being able to be touched
I rather be alone, especially when upset and don't worry you weren't the only...
You were just the first not to care that much
I haven't shed one tear about it yet until I wrote this
But I want you to know it's all good - cause my real mama is the best.
Maybe I should try not to judge, because I don't know your circumstance or reason
A communities hospital says you may not of had too many places to go when the temperature was freezing
And I can't understand that decision or how hard it could be
Deep down inside when I saw all my friends abortions now I wonder if giving me up was just that easy
It's hard not to wonder when you never will know
But how can I resent life and in it "all the places you can go"
I said a prayer for you tonight in case your conscience not yet at ease
I want you to know it's all good, but don't ever take back, be selfish or ever try to find me please
"You are appreciated"