SSR Week Two: Soule (1-0) vs A Disciple (1-0) (OPEN)

[Soule]

Y'all should know the rules by now.
50 Line Limit
Verses due Friday, 11:59PM PT
Votes due Sunday, 11:59PM PT
3-0 = KO, anything else is first to five
As it's a non challenge week, there'll be a topics list. Pick at least one topic from the list and use it in your piece or suffer the consequences
Best of luck to both!

@Soule
vs
@A Disciple

[A Disciple]

Checking in - Shit... against Soule? SMH where is the topic list?

[Soule]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...eek-Two-Topics

You really need to learn how to navigate the site lol. Check.

[A Disciple]

LoL... I found them!!!

Gone Girl

I was 25 when they said schizophrenia it was an immaculate blow
It was mass hysteria as the tears busted out my eyes and just flowed
Sometimes when Im alone in my car driving, I just cry
I was never prepared for the inside out just watching my brain die
I’m still in here… it’s me I’m still me
Talking myself through all the illusions of insanity
Diagnosis came firm on bipolar 1 and PTSD
There is no cure for the disease that kills you socially
You know when you get drunk, black out, and wake up to hear all the stupid shit you done?
It’s pretty much the same thing, only I ain’t even do irresponsible shit to cause it – so I just run
Run girl… so fast and so free… runaway or running… from the sickness inside you can’t see
I did everything the drs told me to do… but I still get sick
Sober 8 years and finally said fuck you, you psych prick
I’m faded… it’s easier faded so bitch fuck a 1 I’m on 2
Because sometimes angels are all I see when psych has me tied to the bed too
It is especially hard to be tied down since my assault
But I guess it’s easier for the drs to manage the ward then they act like it’s our fault
Most times its to my quiet secret place I soar to just get some rest
And I think back to 16 when I was his vest…
I was covering him would it have been best if I had gone then
Cause all this shit that takes place after I can’t deal even back to way back when
Cause ever since, I’ve always been on the outside looking in
The meds… you wanna talk about the meds, the weight, and the fog
Cause I actually get better advice listening to DMX when he talking about the snake, rat and the dog
It’s liberating once you learn to not give a fuck about what anyone think or says
But it’s all so superficial like sweating these 50lbs I gained from the meds
If I had Alzheimer’s would they laugh less, cause it’s progressive
I can’t remember shit without a list now and some things I become so obsessive (like writing)
My biggest fear is what happens when my mind is gone, they can’t bring me back, and my body is still here
I know Jesus know… you know sometimes I am just sitting and I feel a presence and out my eye I drop one tear
I’m just trying to make it all clear and I can paint that other world with words - and you know even sometimes it makes sense?
Then I remind myself you just gone girl… don’t get up in the pretense

- - - Updated - - -

Don't get caught up in the pretense*

[Soule]

The Perfect Storm

3:15am.

I wake up to a loud roar, something between a lion and the riots of war,
into the sea while I gaze from the beach, making eye contact with the storm.
Watching lightning strike like a sword, something calls me out to the core,
I paddle out on a boat, ready to roam the depths till this mystery takes form.
Waves crashing as I move forward, the clouds darken the closer I get to the source,
dedicated to staying on course, even if I have to swim, abandoned by warmth.
The roar becomes clearer now, more like a voice welcoming me from the clouds,
or maybe it's under the surface, I'm not certain, I'm too focused on the sound.
I should probably have some doubts but I'm convinced there's answers to be found,
though maybe if I drowned, whatever it is would simply swallow my corpse anyhow.
"Closer, Johnny... you're almost there," part of me is scared, the other's proud,
"I choose you to help me out." The voice, poised firmly on my conscious ground.

That's when it draws into my sight, a glow underneath the ocean's might,
maybe it's a sunken ship or a submarine, or a deity waiting to devour my mind.
I hope it doesn't bite, whatever it is, questions start flooding but I've no time,
a shadow emerges from the light, the size of a skyscraper, hidden in the night.
I stare into it's eyes, orange with red like blood spiraling around the drain,
there's a tense sense against my brain, forcing me to give control without trade.
Am I going insane? Or have I been a puppet since evading the womb on my birth-day?
I can feel the tentacles wrapping around my frame, but I don't feel any pain,
and suddenly, everything has changed, and I'm swimming through the rain...
oh, sorry, that was a wave -- I'm a fish, or a squid, I can't quite tell either way.
What I DO know, is I survive in the water, freed or enslaved by the monster,
it's all a matter of perspective, but I've accepted the friendship of a blue lobster.

I have dreams whenever I sleep about the night I escaped my human shell,
vague glimpses of images, like of a man standing in front of Cthulu's spell.
Maybe it was me but I can't seem to remember the personal connection,
I'm just thankful to him for saving me from my schizophrenic depression.

https://yt3.ggpht.com/a/AGF-l78XdCKc...fffff-no-rj-mo

[Slayerr.]

Disciple - pretty heartfelt drop here, feels real. If you don’t have a mental illness this was actually incredible writing to put yourself in that perspective and if you do have one then it was very raw and well articulated to the point I almost understand how you feel. From a technical standpoint I feel like your flow was choppy compared to your last drop which took away from some of the rawness by being awkward to read in places. Overal you convey emotion incredibly well tighten up your mechanics and you’ll be the real deal

Soule - from a technical standpoint this was pretty tight, a lot of nice similes and metaphors that flowed well for the most part. Concept wise I wasn’t sure where you were heading but I think that was intentional with the last line as the big reveal. I felt like reading something I wasn’t sure where was going needed a bigger impact factor at the end than I felt but maybe having just read disciples drop about the same thing took some of that away. But I wasn’t left with that “wow” factor

Overall I think soule had a much better written pieces and was technically superior so will probably win however for me writing is about expressing emotion more than being the perfect penman so for that personal preference I’m going to vote for the piece which made me think more and had more of a hit factor rather than the technically superior drop

V/ disciple

[Spoken]

Respect to slayerr for his decision... Buuuuuut

Disciple you put more thought into this i see and more effort to connect with the viewers in understanding to get your point across and even went really dark from time to time. The therapist part of rape was a great emotional strike tbh that added quite the depth of emotion that just really made the piece shine more. The laws of attraction being the horrible trith of how society deems till this day sadly. You had the emotion buuuut the writing mechanics was just too much errors thst threw me from time to time reading and really staining such a great piece honestly. Written wise the mechanics need alot of work buuut you are showing great promise and evolution.

Soule you smacked it right on point. You had a direction and imagery you wanted to get across and convey through articulate metaphors. You provided a story within a story through out the while verde. The little breakdowns of in and out character personification eas well detailed. I felt sometimes you didnt need to get to technical with the content and felt forced from time to time a smidgen but none the less you performed a great drop with the mechanics really tight and presented with ease.

V/ soule

[Echelon]

HELLO, GUYS!!

I thought this was a pretty good battle. NICE WORK DISICPLE..THOUGHT YOU DID WELl.. GOOD WORK BEHEMOTH THOUGHT YOU DIDI WELL AS-WELl. HOWEVER I HAVE TO GIVE IT TO BEHEMOTH. MORE SOLID VERSE. THE IMAGERY WAS BANANAS!

V/ BEHEMOTH

[Phalanx]

Disciple. This verse had loads of emotion left untapped do to the bluntness of the narration. Kind of reads like a journal entry more than a topical that's supposed to flow.

Soule. Love your take on the topic. Reall well developed & executed with a subtle flair. Mechanically it was solid. No complaints there. Loved the way you closed it out. Memorable, to say the least. Good stuff.

Vote - Soule

Easy the more complete & imaginative piece.

[Cody Nash]

I think both of you did well, Disciple had a really good showing and packed a lot of feelings into her piece. emotion was all over the place and entertaining to read through. the vibe was firm and decided and reflective..there's a ton of good qualities about your writing that I enjoy and this was one of your best worded writtens I've read so far.

Soule the topic was creative and the way you wove everything together in the end was pretty cool. It was technically sound and just a well written drop really.. rhyme schemes were on point and the flow of the piece was constant and easy to read. I dig the ending a lot though and felt like the piece got better as you read. the progression of it was smooth.

I liked both really, and I could see Disciple writing some nice stuff this season if she keeps the pen sharp, but here I just feel like Soule' outwrote her with his piece here...

Vote Soule

[Soule]

Soule Wins 4-1.