A Picture's Worth

[thatdudeB]

we're all peasents, life, now that's a beauty
to literate this I tune to rap tracks and movies
learn in the pits, how to illustrate emotion
with words that make you demonstrate a notion
faith in God, I wanna believe in freedom
and pearly gates that stay open, relieve and ease um
life is too short to be angry, killer instinct
that's all nice and not, this a filler, mischief
back on topic, all I have is memories
losing it, can't afford to, like I got enemies
think back to when I used to bother with prayer
thought in open fields, tryna lather the air
I got to get over it as dreams turn scientific
schemes by tyrant kings, screams in tiredness
desperate enough to pity myself, tears fell
analyze body to lights prism, my clear shell

losing precious things from family to pride
such a pity that medicine hand me my sight
attack the voices stuck to me like shadow
words, should be searching for God though
as I take it like vitamins and self-esteem
wanted it to be me, importance, dealt the dream
you can be-go anything you want, walk of fame
as its critical I get riches the talk is lame
just please don't yell, I might break down
I'ma sad clown, you don't even need to make sounds
you read the book by its cover even took a peek
don't say much cause the labels crooked, freak
but we're all the same, I just hit it first
from up and downs to jubilation I don't miss it much
wishing I could zone it out like I'm infected
whatever it's worth stay proud, life's to connected

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...ound-The-World

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...-Natural-Order

I asked knowP to close one of my other threads as not to go over the limit of active threads

[Van Gogh]

This isn't bad. But you've got to learn how to form your lines more naturally... because I have noticed you'll force rhymes in where they aren't important/relevant to the previous parts of the line.

[Nohbody]

much better then the last one i read. substance, thought, emotion. . our goal as writers is to make the reader FEEL. And this touched on that nerve. I think you should stay in this sort of wheel house. You can improve by throwing in more internal rhymes or using multi syllabic schemes. . also, keep pushing that vocabulary and it will all come together for you. Good job