Topical Practice

[Tropical]

Okay I'm starting the SSL soon
I figured the best way to get prepared was to practice..
hence the title. bare with me guys, this is my first time.


They say that time waits for no man
it's a wasted treasure in this land
a faceless pleasure that we take for granted
the time we're handed.. no dollar sign to date can measure..

"Everyone is so rushed in the world today
Don't flush life & let it be swirled away
Flourish to the grave, have courage & be brave"

As me and my grandson reminisce on the past
I tell him about my mistakes & how I dismissed what I had
I twist & I grasp how ignorant and foolish I had been
no the mention the brilliant schooling I had missed
the love connections I could of had
I know no ones perfection but truly... it made me sad
as I'm teary eyed I look at the lessons I taught grandson
I can't clearly hide that the past held my thoughts for ransom
I'm speechless as nothing seems to escape my mouth
I'm reaching towards bleakness, minds a drape or shroud..
hearts failing out.. but I smile one last time
because my past times can't frustrate me now


Sorry to end this so quickly. I didn't want him to die but I'm tired as hell and can't do it no more lol.

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...433/index.html
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...201/index.html

[KnowP]

loved the direction u took on the topic transferring relatable knowledge to the next generation. im always a sucker for that concept. however, felt the vocab u used was a tad basic. could of definitely been stronger. tons of broken multi's as well which hurt the flow of this piece and transitions from bar to bar.

as I'm teary eyed I look at the lessons I taught grandson
I can't clearly hide that the past held my thoughts for ransom

best transition with use of multi's in this piece to me. broken syllable at the ending rhyme scheme but still, it worked here im.

Overall, keep shaking the rust and practicing. not bad for a first piece. just remember to revise and proof read prior to posting. we all need that.

[Tropical]

Thanks man! yeah I noticed my vocab needed work, and one of the hardest things I encounter is picking my words to rhyme with

the thought in my head is: "if I say this, how many other rhyme can I make with it"

and it seems I always sit there thinking of what to say next and how to word it.. 'preciate the feed man