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Thread: Love Ruined?

  1. September 24th, 2003, 03:03 AM #1
    Verbatim
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    Love Ruined?

    why did you have to lead me on
    only to have me find out somethin was wrong
    i said i liked you, you said you liked me
    now you got a boyfriend, you lied to me
    why don't you grow up, and mature
    i dunno if it's true, it's just what i heard

    my heart is sore, like it's been broke
    so i roll a joint, and take a toke
    opening a bottle, drinkin a beer
    making feelings and mind clear
    I'm just a homie, meant to be lonely
    before you run, get to know me

    i know i made you mad, even made you pissed
    maybe if you were nice, and stopped being a bitch
    i tried to be nice, tried to be friendly
    away from you, is where you sent me
    but i'll find out the truth before i judge
    i've never been one, to hold a grudge

    Just a little keystyle poem i did at 3 am.....doesn't make sense at time but oh well...
    uppin
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  2. September 24th, 2003, 08:47 AM #2
    rule
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    pretty good...exspected better from you..but this game with a good emotional peice...rhyme was a little weak but flow was good, pretty good peice...keep it up
    Soft Focus
    ..Returns..
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  3. September 24th, 2003, 05:24 PM #3
    sILLable
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    i thought this was tight, nice vocab, rhyme scheme was a little off but its poetry so who cares, tha point got across, and the emotion was felt,all in all nice piece man,~1~


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  4. September 25th, 2003, 12:44 AM #4
    Verbatim
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    yeh this was just a quick piece, didn't put much effort into it, but glad ya liked it for what it was

    keep uppin
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  5. September 25th, 2003, 01:00 PM #5
    Ha'aNe
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    ummm.. its aigh

    vocab is average, flow & structure r nice, i like how each stanza reviled more & more emotion as i read, i can really relate 2 this piece lol not in those exact words mind u, but i do
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  6. September 25th, 2003, 06:21 PM #6
    Verbatim
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    no doubt

    uppin
    Last edited by Verbatim; September 26th, 2003 at 01:36 AM
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  7. September 26th, 2003, 05:22 PM #7
    Verbatim
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    uppin for last time
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  8. September 28th, 2003, 07:42 PM #8
    DaGyrlRemarqabL
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    Sup Krem...
    This was simple, but I liked it..Good imagery, it made me think of this one specific guy I know..hmm, maybe Ill call him..
    Good piece, esp for something done at 3am.
    Stay up!
    Pz.
    P U R E


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  9. September 28th, 2003, 10:09 PM #9
    Mistake
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    Not a bad piece...coulda been better..coulda been alot worse.

    Not a bad poem tho none tha less. i felt this poem to an extent good drop tho
    ~WoN~
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  10. September 29th, 2003, 04:40 PM #10
    Verbatim
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    this isn't directed towards.....well you know who you are....it' directed to a different girl....so ya

    and thanks for all who posted feedback and what not

    peace
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