confusion (a nice short piece)

[THE DOPED MALB]

Im trying to for fill my parents dreams/
Whilst trying to ignore my parents screams/
Still unable to speak yet trying to painfully/
Mould myself into there desire it was straining me/
But I continued to succeed in catching their attention/
Seeking to impress trying to be perfection/
Both parents proud of me it was asif I was there selection/
Out of every person in the world 2 date/
I was so happy with them because they did create/
A loving environment 4 me/
So u can see I came from a loving family/
As I grew I started 2 imitate my fathers actions/
I mentally stored every single fraction/
Of love shown by my dad towards my mother/
I could tell they really loved each other/
I grew 2 the age where I started dating/
From my mental notes of dad I started creating/
Romantic gestures 4 this girl I adored/
And as 4 the places we went 2 I couldn’t really afford/
But still love is worth more than money/
Yet after a while I cold see she was scared of me/
At that moment of time I didn’t realise/
That she didn’t treasure them blacked eyes/
I always wondered why I heard my mums cries/
I thought they were tears of joy/
Because she loved me her beautiful boy/
But maybe she didn’t enjoy the love shown/
By my father I thought she liked that broken bone/
And so I continued 2 love how I new/
And now im in here having a conversation with 2 u/
4 my love is true that’s why I broke my angles arm 2/
I cant understand why you have gotten involved/
Locking me up until the matter is resolved/
If u want me 2 confess well then I confess 2 love/
Im just doing what my father did to his little dove/

[J Nice]

i like, reminds me a bit of my child hood growing up, trying to be what my parents wanted instead of what i wanted. nice piece.

[Civilized Rebel]

It's amazing. Not only do you have great technical skill, but you also drop an important message.

I mean, there are a lot of men like that. And it's sad because they hit their significant others simply because they don't know any better. I guess it's things like that that make me glad I never had a male role model.

The only bad part was the flow was a bit choppy when the rhyme scheme changed.

~Shalom~

[Ha'aNe]

nice piece...

i like the concept a lot, its progression was nice, feelin the wordplay.. not bad, the structure is decent.. so is the flow, i wasnt in2 the emotion that much or the imagery

[Legendary]

You did a real nice job writing this. As I was reading it I didn't expect the end to be like that, with the guy hitting the girl. You never let on to that kinda thing earlier in the writing so I thought that little twist was good. I liked the message you had in it. That sons take after fathers and don't really know that sort of thing is wrong. I still think fuckers that do it are stupid but it's a different view this piece showed me. Nicely written.

[Spoken]

iight

wow i really liked the message behind this whole piece, i certanly wasnt expecting it, and if it wasnt for that i dont think you would have pulled this off, for i found the structure and flow of it all a bit choppy, but because of the impact the overall message i didnt really notcie till i read it again.

~Tera~
DONT HATE

[HazY.B]

i dunno if u remeber me..but i read your stuff way back......its just as amazing as ever

As I grew I started 2 imitate my fathers actions/
I mentally stored every single fraction/
Of love shown by my dad towards my mother/
I could tell they really loved each other/

i loved the family reference its something everyone can relate to PERFECT family or NOT....

the effect of love in teh family is scared
and not everyone has experinced it
i myself havent
this was
a
wonderful peice dope

hazy

[THE DOPED MALB]

i started writing this piece after been inspired by this line by rookie-g

Originally posted by N-Demik
from your broken parents dream

at 1st i didnt mean 2 write it how it ended up
it was just ment 2 be about tryin 2 fulfill
ur parents dreams but as i wrote it, it just set it self up 4 a nice little twist at the end so i guess it was more of a fluke than techinical skill how it finished up but still


thanx 4 all the feed back from all of u its appericiated

[Chase]

I love this, the structure was nice and the message hit hard with out just coming out and saying I abused because I saw abuse. This is one of the few i can saw I really really dug. One


Hope you'll leave some feed. And if you look the reason tis th last post in replies