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August 28th, 2009, 01:07 PM
#1
Just doin my thing
Baby Soft
Just something I just wrote thought about it in the shower tell me if ya like it or not.
I'm baby soft, but it just comes with the flow
Find a used condom in your room, your girls says I dont know
But we fucked..and hell yeah it was fun
I'd come back for more, but you got a gun
Sittin on your porch man, I see you empty and hollow
I think to myself man "damn, am I bein followed?"
This is an average day, in the life of the Prime
Drivin in my car listenin to corona and lime
Stop by a club and dance with some chicks
Not in the south man I don't get down with hicks
I hears some gun shots man I gotta go
Run outta the place before the damn cops show
Ridin in my chevy fuck ya caprice
Wavin around my chrome piece sayin "fuck the police"
But I aint NWA thats not what I say
What I'm sayin is that I'm the badass of the partay
So you can sit around with a gun waitin for me to come
But man guess what I'm still fuckin her at her occu-pa-tion (ock-q-pay-shun)
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...333/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...344/index.html
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August 28th, 2009, 01:54 PM
#2
Just doin my thing
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August 28th, 2009, 02:05 PM
#3
Re: Baby Soft
Im' not going to give a breakdown on this verse because i gave you a breakdown on your other verse earlier,
but i am going to give some words of advice;
Always take time writing your "Open Mics" i see you have posted "TWO" today, every good writer takes time to think about what they write before they write it, if the verse is too rushed it will look rushed and all the readers will be able to tell it's rushed,
Just open up a notebad select a topic "i prefer opening up a picture that represents my topic" then write making sure you go line/bar by line/bar making sure your rhyme scheme is there and your particular wording and metaphors are there,
A average "Good" OM should take around 1day-week for it to be of an excellent peice,
Unless your an awesome writer, but by the looks of it you are elevating'.
So keep up the good work and when you take more time out concentrating more on how you write a verse it will be excellent.
so i'll be watching out
G'luck and StayUp.
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August 28th, 2009, 02:12 PM
#4
Just doin my thing
Re: Baby Soft
I only wrote one today Trees was writin last night.
Anyways thanks for the advice. Most of my stuff is off the top of the head though. I haven't actually sat down and wrote a rap verse yet so thats why most of mine come out fast. Like I said in the description this was thought of in the shower and the rest was just thought of while I typed it for the thread.
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August 28th, 2009, 02:26 PM
#5
You've Earned a Custom Title!
Re: Baby Soft
pretty weak, the content is straight foward, nothing you had to think about really or anything to look in to. basic one sylable boring rhyme scheme, multis are an important thing in free writen peices, they make them sound soooo much better. also work on a unified sylable count. go with a certain number of sylables per line and make every line that same number of sylables or if not, no more or no less than one sylable off. also just personally, saying hears isnt appealing and i didnt like you saying partay ins tead of party for the sake of a one sylable rhyme. improve on those things i stated n good luck next drop
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August 28th, 2009, 02:30 PM
#6
Just doin my thing
Re: Baby Soft
Ight, you sounded a little angry. Maybe you aren't just dont take my vote in your rap battle personally it's just a forum full of people tryin to rap.
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August 28th, 2009, 02:36 PM
#7
You've Earned a Custom Title!
Re: Baby Soft
no anger was intended, and i dont take any votes personally, its all good, keep elevating
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August 28th, 2009, 03:48 PM
#8