snatched

[highspirits]

:vanja:im new to this site but not new to the game
highspirits in the house like a runaway train
yeah i got an 8 to 5 to pay my bills
no i didnt grow up with a mom who popped some pills
you know the drill i like to write lyrics that yall can feel
i like to drop lines to build shit up
the suspense is enough to make ya grip your cup
be careful dont drop it i just stirred it up
a couple sips of this and youll ask for more
or maybe youll be past out on the bathroom floor
its blurry you cant see no more
your crawling around trying to find the door
its locked now whats in store
its late you dont want to be here no more
suddenly theres a knock at the door
"LET ME IN" is all that was said
one kick the doors down now theres a bag on your head
tied up drug away to the trunk you go
next stop the beach as the car drives slow:vanja:

[highspirits]

this is my first piece i wrote it off the top of my head to get some responses i already have the next part written to continue the story

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...gs-399994.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...nk-399845.html

[Vallus]

lol @ the bathroom floor ish

Good structure solid flow....

work more on your concepts delivery and wording.....throw in some wordplay
or metaphors to give yourself some more variety....overall....nice piece


stay up^

[highspirits]

your grabbed up out the trunk
you couldnt hold it you had to go
ya piss stained your clothes
the same smell from that bathroom floor
"who are you and why me"?
can you remove this bag? i can hardly breath!
I would but youd recognize me
Im just a branch off your family tree
hold your breath ready 1 2 3
splash that was easy see
now they wont know what happened ya see
the gators will have you gone by half past 3
and ill be somewhere hot under the shade of a tree
where will it be off to coasta rica lets see
put your hands up freeze!
shit how did they find me
as i drop to my knees
they pull you out the water thats 50 degrees
your saved by an angel your free to breath
at least until they set me free