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Thread: The Reason 4 Seasons.

  1. #1
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    The Reason 4 Seasons.


    The Reason 4 Seasons
    An IJL Collab with a special apperance by Slim Desperado

    Slim D.
    My purple tendons
    spread unevenly
    across the steep face of the manor
    smothered by cotton fields of snow
    I have sown with that great scythe
    my finger. I feel my sleep,
    draining towards the apricot sky.
    it doesn't look like lead anymore.
    I kiss
    A herd of my swerving children
    lying like goats in the sky
    with an armageddon brush
    I transform them into shapes.
    A silver dog,
    the vessel I have chosen
    shakes the river off its
    coat, sniffing at an eruption
    of blossom pink pollen spores;
    subsequently, a soft sphere lands on its nose
    and causes it to sneeze comically.
    A young man walks out of his apartment,
    takes off his jacket, turns around,
    puts it back inside.
    Several people eat on patios,
    picking charred chicken off the bone,
    the veins of blood visible.
    a pile of mashed potatos
    looks like
    how a mound of snow once did.
    This is a time of birth, of birth and re-birth
    the sun soaked forests are a canvas for
    each still life, each flower and bird and insect
    I smear across the map.

    Ntalek
    I smile when happiness
    overwhelm's me, blushing
    and blowing demulcent
    winds. Whilst taking deep
    breaths in and out.
    The tears of joy decant,
    down toward the wrinkles
    within my senescent structure.
    Acting as an affusion-pouring
    downwards. Upon the hard heads
    of these effrontery pedestrians,
    walking immoderately across my
    soul. My skin crawls of maltreat.
    I wish to incinerate those who
    abuse my beauty, setting my soul
    ablaze by masking me in pollution.
    I can barely breathe as winds calm
    to nearly none. I stare at naked
    souls as I look upon my torso.
    Waving heat strokes as I incline
    my position. Clothing material
    has lacked due to my obscene
    behavior. Now you wish I'd cry
    don't you. I shed no remorse.
    You have yet to listen to my
    silent whispers, your cloth's
    have misinterpreted my
    meaning and
    "I beg to differ!"

    Spoken Deity
    I let night off its leash,
    while the sun creeps behind drapes
    of space, letting the stars
    shed their cape of fear
    so that they may dance a bit in
    a lover’s eyes…
    The new cold is brisk, searing
    on my flesh, now smothered
    by the dead fire leafs…
    My children, killed by
    plagues, carried by breath
    of Gods;
    Putrid. Stinging.
    Orchards of red,
    covered by minstrel blood
    of the children now orphaned;
    forgotten.
    Soulless trees weep
    for their baron wombs,
    seeing the sky usher in
    rolling clouds ready to
    drop a new sense of purity over
    the graves… As cold gets colder,
    my soul grows weary of
    changing tides.

    P. Macto
    Loitering scum, coated under litter
    as I, coated under a blanket of soot.
    Though, for aesthetic pleasantness
    I have been given a quilt of white;
    I tremble, yet make you proud,
    Wearing your cape of white;
    Invisible, as you trampled upon the ground.
    Awoken by the deceptive gleam of the sun;
    I feel fresh yet frost bite stings my ankles;
    And I’m having a bad hair day...
    My fringe an icicle chain.
    My hands are all swollen
    Eyes red, sort of weary;
    Awaiting my morning breakfast;
    And there it is, on time, a toast
    And a half empty coffee from Starbucks.
    Maybe, there is no hope
    in this endless cycle of gloomy repetition.
    Yet I have heard many a man say
    “That only after the darkest day comes light”
    Then maybe there is yet hope;
    To be awoken by the Sun’s warmth
    And cleansed by the first break of rain.


    Slim Desperado - Spring
    Ntalek-Summer
    Spoken Diety - Fall
    P. Macto - Winter

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...es-377644.html
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ce-377801.html
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...html?p=6622494
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...html?p=6622480


  2. #2
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    Re: The Reason 4 Seasons.

    i really liked the picture you used.the colors are real nice to look at but i have to leave feed on the poem and not the picture.......the concept was real cool and i liked the way a diffrent person did each season to give diffrent perspectives and writting styles.I have sown with that great scythe
    my finger<<that line was dope.slim did a real good job on his piece to start off which was important because he has to pull people into the poem since he starts it off.i dont like the way ntalek writes.nothing aganist you but i just dont feel your style for some reason.everyone used good imagery and made me see good pictures in thier pieces.i like the way baron made his more of a person of a season.everyone dropped good.nice piece here.i think slim had the best piece overall which is saying alot because hes in this with some really good poets.

  3. #3
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    Re: The Reason 4 Seasons.

    um yeah...!

    leave links I know it looks long..I'll rtf..its a short read really though..

  4. #4
    fLAMEDUBBALLERGATZ
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    Re: The Reason 4 Seasons.

    Im stoked this finally got posted!

  5. #5
    Sure you want to know? ADO's Avatar
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    Re: The Reason 4 Seasons.

    that shit is tight i hope i get in this league

  6. #6
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    Re: The Reason 4 Seasons.

    real feed would be appreciated...I'll rtf leave links!

  7. #7
    The Fallen Lestat's Avatar
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    Re: The Reason 4 Seasons.

    One word defines this piece.


    Nominated.


    Will leave actual feed soon.
    Watch as I Vanish.

  8. #8
    fLAMEDUBBALLERGATZ
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    Re: The Reason 4 Seasons.

    uppppp

  9. #9
    God Fist Spoken Deity's Avatar
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    Re: The Reason 4 Seasons.

    lol @ 88 views, 7 post... 6-8 of them from people that wrote...

  10. #10
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    Re: The Reason 4 Seasons.

    um..word..come on pps leave links hell even 2-3 links I'll hit them all..

  11. #11
    Banned Ace of Aces's Avatar
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    Re: The Reason 4 Seasons.

    first off, thats a great image.

    as for the piece, great job. Slim D definitely did a good job in getting me to read on. I until I saw Nitalek's name I had no idea it was a collaboration. (I skipped the fine print.) Then I had no idea that it was a four person collab, but that came as a good suprise because each word left me wanting to read more. This has been one of the better collabs that I've been able to read in PS. You all did a good job in keeping the theme within range, even though you all did show off your individual styles. good job, definitely worth the nomination.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ll-378950.html

    there's my link if you could.

  12. #12
    Get Touched abiona's Avatar
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    Re: The Reason 4 Seasons.

    ahh so this is the finished product?

    nice.

    each piece read as a complete work on its own... but still flowed with the others as one whole poem. well done.

    first....

    built up to a strong finish... absolutely loved the last four lines. the use of 'smeared' was perfect.

    felt that right here:

    coat, sniffing at an eruption
    of blossom pink pollen spores;
    subsequently, a soft sphere lands on its nose
    and causes it to sneeze comically.
    your language could be a bit softer. eruption, spores, subsequently, sphere, comically... seemed too technical for me. and im not explaining it very well... because technical isnt the word im looking for, but im not sure how else to say it. lol.

    second...

    you already got most of my thoughts on this part... so now imma go into teacher mode. lol... why do you choose to break your lines where you do? in places it seems as if complete thoughts were broken up in order to keep the lines uniform. periods seemed as if they should be commas in places... or even line breaks. a personal preference though... when i read, i am naturally inclined to pause a thought where the line ends... but had to counteract that several times while reading. and while im a sucker for brilliant verbiage.... sometimes a more simple approach can make your images even stronger.

    third...

    second piece ive read by you tonight. im really a fan. loved the opening... from that first line you had me.

    and this:

    Orchards of red,
    covered by minstrel blood
    of the children now orphaned;
    forgotten.
    was ill. the flip on 'minstrel' blood of orphans... love it.

    uggh. gimme something to critique! ha.

    fourth...

    liked how you brought it full circle at the end... to wrap around back to the beginning.

    And I’m having a bad hair day...
    ha.

    almost a casual vibe to yours. dug the voice of the winter.

    My fringe an icicle chain.
    My hands are all swollen
    i wish you had kept the structure of the first line into the second... and added onto the second line to extend the metaphor

    My fringe, an icicle chain.
    My hands, swollen pendants

    or something like that. not a good word... but hopefully it illustrates my point....


    overall... very distinct styles... but i liked that. gave each season a personality beyond the words you used to personify and present them.

    nice work gentlemen.

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