Lifes Too short To Waste

[antology]

Chrous
Why don’t you realize, that lifes to short to waste,
The good die so young, as if fate misbehaves,
One day we die and sent to those pearly gates,
But that day might be sooner, than you expected.

Verse 1
Its true when they say, that life’s too short to waste,
The average lifespan, seems to have passed just today,
From a toddler, to teenage, to elderly, than deceased,
From children, to grandkids, than beyond the grave,
But some just cant wait, and contemplate the blade,
than contemplate the hate, cause death by disgrace,
complete devastation, to the family that loved and raise em,
But once they taste their grave, gave no consideration,
left their heads in cloud, like their into aviation,
the pain conquered salvation, so pictures are erased,
to rewind to the day and age, where you never took place,
and accept their fate, as parents with a filled grave,
and a son, given a life, that he let go to waste.

Chorus
Why don’t you realize, that life’s to short to waste,
The good die so young, as if fate misbehaves,
One day we die and sent to those pearly gates,
But that day might be sooner, than you expected.

Verse 2
Im tryin to be sincere, completely unselfish,
But Im tryin to break free, from this concrete hell quick,
Cause there’s nobody near me, alone in this cell,
That’s why I write rhymes, for my mind to escape hell,
Everyday’s the same thing, someone else’s farewell,
while im captured, confined against my free will,
but the government compels people to think justice helps,
so is selfish to belt this release, through courts fleet,
of lawyers and judges that hold all these grudges,
against crimes misjudged, by these blue and white punks,
still pissed high school was flunked, so take it out on public,
fuck their jobs so pathetic, there got to think of something,
but till the day the sun hits my face,
I accept the fact, that life’s givens, a waste.

Chorus
Why don’t you realize, that lifes to short to waste,
The good die so young, as if fate misbehaves,
One day we die and sent to those pearly gates,
But that day might be sooner, than you expected.

Leave feed.


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...89878&posted=1
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...89882&posted=1

[the_origin]

i felt this
i think u flamed the second and this chorus is hot. I have a similar joint so i see ur vision on this.

i felt this part
Cause there’s nobody near me, alone in this cell,
That’s why I write rhymes, for my mind to escape hell,
Everyday’s the same thing, someone else’s farewell,
while im captured, confined against my free will,
but the government compels people to think justice helps,

overall i give it a 9 i jus wish u made it 3 verses

[Ink Poyzin]

as of being on topic, the first verse was ok, but the second kinda threw the whole point off. but the flow in both verses, they turned out pretty consistant throughout the piece. it's just, you went from that suicide mindstate, to talking about you in prison. being misjudged, and so on. the chorus was ok, fit the first verse nicely, was pretty tight. only advice I can really give is, try staying on topic a bit more. maybe add some characters to your piece, bring history into it, somethin' to just keep it going.. overall, it was decent. as said before, both flows were consistant, very smooth read. thank you, enjoyed it.

[antology]

Yea the way i was tryin to write this peice was to have a number of characters that had wasted their life somehow, thats why it may seem ive gone off point but the way i was coming across, it seemed on point to me. Yea i wanted to make it 3 verses, i even had a third verse almost written up but i liked the way the first two verse came out so i kept it at that, might add to it later. Thanks for the feedback, very appreciated.
Keep it coming.

[D. Jizzle.]

Im tryin to be sincere, completely unselfish,
But Im tryin to break free, from this concrete hell quick,

Like it, real dope flow right there, you kicked off the second verse so nice with that. But anyways, your flow was great. On audio this would be near perfect. Your weak spot is that you force some lines and kind've go off topic. But, take out the Chorus, hooks get you nowhere in text, people hate it...for some reason. You did pretty good here man. If you wrote on some less played topics you could make a name for your self. Pz.

[antology]

Keep the feed comin

[castrator]

Its awesome dude!!

[Remid~E]

i liked this im writing an article on this topic right now and this will help me stress the differnent points of view.

[_Lyrics]

straight track my dude, havent read anything from you before, the rhymes was consistent, not many multis but it still flowed alright. more importantly, the content was enjoyable, you never swayed away from the topic and had a strong spiritual connection to life and what it gave you, a waste, which is kind of fucked up to hear, no white lie there. lol, even though the topic itself has a crazy variety you could use in its storyline i liked the way you went wit it.. summed up imagery, not very difficult to write a verse too. but good job taking a topic thats played to death and keeping it interesting with your own outlooks on life.

[AlphaMetric]

this was a decent piece man, it felt a bit misleeding and stuff but flow was good, I liked ur using of words too, went good for this. I do think you are able to write longer pieces and would like to see you write longer and better pieces....

[antology]

Thanks everyone for your feedback. Appreciated.
Keep it coming

[antology]

Come on peoples couple more replys would be appreciated