Camp Kill Yourself

[P. Mortuus]

Camp Kill Yourself
Written By,Opus.
Has anyone ever told you that blood smelt like rust?
Or that red, like blood, is the color of lust?
These aren't lies, they're facts indeed.
Much worse then the fiction that you bleed.
Much different from the lies she tells herself.
Welcome to Camp Kill Yourself.

Has anyone ever handed you a dream?
Telling to guard it to the extreme?
You've never had a dream at all.
Nothing for you to enthrall.
Much different then the dreams he holds himself.
Welcome to Camp Kill Yourself.

Have you ever held on to anything so tight?
So that no one may grasp it from your fist and flight?
No you haven't, you're too bleak.
You couldnt hold on to anything because you're too weak.
Much different then the memories she holds to herself.
Welcome to Camp Kill Yourself.

Have you ever been pushed down so hard?
Because you always let down your guard?
It's not a lie. It's a simple fact.
Everything around you abstract and intact.
Much different then the world he finds himself.
Welcome to Camp Kill Yourself.

[P. Mortuus]

Damn this do not make any sense feed please leave links I will hit right back.

[Facts Machine]

Have you ever held on to anything so tight?
So that no one may grasp it from your fist and flight?
No you haven't, you're too bleak.
You couldnt hold on to anything because you're too weak.

^Nice shit here... i liked this whole poem but yeah this stood out. It was pretty creative and i liked the title and all, but you gave me some interesting feed on my piece and i'm trying hard to understand what you mean by the emotion and imagination stuff u said to me... i DO understand what you mean by how it doesn't feel like a poem and my topical-side, u know.. cuz see, when it comes down to it, i'm a topical head, not a poet head to be exact.. but i'm willing to learn so much more about poetry so if u could let me know thru PM or something like a few techniques and shit, i'd be cool. I liked how you didn't let your rhyming get in the way of the content and i liked the structure. Overall, nice shit, but yeah, i don't want any feed on anything, just that request i said.

[P. Mortuus]

^yeah you know I got you............

[Facts Machine]

LMFAO @ you NEVER getting me.

[P. Mortuus]

^lol I know I been gone for a while rb aint my life you know I actually have one.

[P. Mortuus]

Link me to the link so I can tell you about what I mean..............

[Facts Machine]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ne-347757.html
^well, here's my latest poem, so if u have time to leave some constructive feed and point out the negative and whatever is dope than ill be satisfied.. u can link me to some other piece u got so i can feed it properly.

btw wow @ this being slept on.. i think it's the whole poetry section that's being slept on actually.

[Psuedo]

I like this alot. It is imaginative.. and fluent. Truly a good poem.

[P. Mortuus]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ne-347757.html
^well, here's my latest poem, so if u have time to leave some constructive feed and point out the negative and whatever is dope than ill be satisfied.. u can link me to some other piece u got so i can feed it properly.

btw wow @ this being slept on.. i think it's the whole poetry section that's being slept on actually.

I know it do not make any sense what so ever seriously and i will get to the link as soon as I can.

[P. Mortuus]

Damn P.S is so dead...............

[P. Mortuus]

Uppinn one piece of feed back wow................

[Ink Poyzin]

yo, this was a great piece and the flow was ILL...
i liked the way you put "welcome to camp kill yourself",
after every fews lines...
that brought this closer together, man..
its unique, in its way..

Has anyone ever handed you a dream?
Telling to guard it to the extreme?
You've never had a dream at all.
Nothing for you to enthrall.
Much different then the dreams he holds himself.
Welcome to Camp Kill Yourself.

^ dope..

your imagery is dope and you really have a
way with yours words, man..
the people that sleep on this.., are crazy.
you did a good job.
keep on writin', my nig.

[D. Josey]

This was a pretty okay poem, I mean it was it was a nice and easy read, and very comprehensive... I think the rhyme scheme was off in a few places and the syllables were not matching in some of the lines, but overall this was a pretty radical and just pretty much extreme poem... I see you named it after the band, but I guess it was a good title... Nothing special, just a good speed read.

- Sane