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Thread: -The One-

  1. November 25th, 2007, 12:20 AM #1
    Leonidas
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    -The One-



    As I bask in the shadows, my growth is steadily growing
    Sprouting desires as this cruel world is forever turning
    Just like the rest, I aim for the sky but how far will I go
    God holds the seeds to the stone, for I do not know
    How long I will be here, but amongst the dreamers believe
    As I float among the stars with clouds as beds to sleep receive

    “How did I get so tall, my life is passing fast
    …Just cherish every moment, cause a moment will not last”

    It seems like just yesterday I started this world, but far in the past
    My ship is sailing the new seas to see while I’m breaching the mast
    The winters are overwhelming; the summers are nice and peaceful
    Beautiful sunsets at dawn as if the sun is a painter with his easel
    Everyone seems to be passing me by, another look is too much
    Eyes never seem to cast for very long, tis it is always the touch

    “Old and wither, but do not hither for times have change
    …Growing like weeds to exceed your preconceived range”

    My time is slowly coming to an end, I can feel the looming
    Shadow as it overcomes, far from seen as a blooming
    So much to branch out for, but so little time to see the world
    The axis revolving without me as if I’m rooted down to a twirl
    But life gives what you take, and I’ve taken well enough for me
    Cause it seems like just yesterday as I started out the seed of a tree






    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...le-353871.html
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...es-353704.html
    Last edited by Leonidas; November 26th, 2007 at 04:22 PM
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  2. November 25th, 2007, 08:17 PM #2
    Leonidas
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    Re: -The One-

    Edit: Links are there.
    Last edited by Leonidas; November 26th, 2007 at 04:22 PM
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  3. November 26th, 2007, 04:23 PM #3
    Orc
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    Re: -The One-

    Nice little piece here man, the imagery conveyed was strongest, you used simple vocab which helped paint a mental picture, imo. The flow was more like a poem, it wasn't complex but the piece still read well, maybe because of the syntax. It was a nice subject matter, sort of original too.

    ''The winters are overwhelming; the summers are nice and peaceful
    Beautiful sunsets at dawn as if the sun is a painter with his easel''

    Really nice imagery here ^.


    Return the feed, bro.
    LOL
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  4. November 26th, 2007, 08:33 PM #4
    Lil pap
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    Re: -The One-

    nice son nice im feelin this yo..alot of efort n it was deep shit ......im waitin for me more from you soon yo....
    fav lines

    The winters are overwhelming; the summers are nice and peaceful
    Beautiful sunsets at dawn as if the sun is a painter with his easel
    Everyone seems to be passing me by, another look is too much
    Eyes never seem to cast for very long, tis it is always the touch

    HIT MY PM UP IGHT IT'S CALLED "Minstate" tanx
    " This nigga trying to tell me dead the beef quik/
    I aint on that dead the beef shit/
    Why dead the beef when i can dead the nigga i got the beef with"/

    PAPOOSE - Nation of thuga-cation
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  5. November 26th, 2007, 09:43 PM #5
    Clee
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    Re: -The One-

    I really got into this man, the imagery impressed me mostly in the second stanza, this was a piece I could read over and over again and really appreciate, you had some very nice lines...

    The winters are overwhelming; the summers are nice and peaceful
    Beautiful sunsets at dawn as if the sun is a painter with his easel

    That was by far my favorite for I thought it was so well executed as is the whole piece...I liked the growing aspect of it, and the flow was steady and constant..very nice drop overall.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...am-353946.html

    I'd appreciate any feed.
    Last edited by Clee; November 26th, 2007 at 09:51 PM
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  6. November 26th, 2007, 10:20 PM #6
    Soule
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    Re: -The One-

    Pretty cool, deffinently was NO "Wish Upon A Star". But it was a nice read.

    Wordplay was enhanced compared to most of your pieces I read. It was powerful as far as Placement and choices went. Flow was fluent, slick and slipped right off of the tongue so nice job there man. Nice rhymescheme, nothing to unique - yet nothing of poor use. Imagery was nice, painted a sculpture for me. Emotion was pretty straight forward. And all in all a nice read. Keep writing.
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  7. November 26th, 2007, 11:03 PM #7
    Leonidas
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    Re: -The One-

    So I see a lot of you liked the "...sun is a painter with his easel" line,lol.

    ...But to those of you with O.M.'s and left links, etc...I will hit them up tomorrow for you. Thanks for the feed in here.
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  8. November 27th, 2007, 07:07 AM #8
    Lil pap
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    Re: -The One-

    yah i 4got to give you the link.so here it is

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...te-353598.html
    " This nigga trying to tell me dead the beef quik/
    I aint on that dead the beef shit/
    Why dead the beef when i can dead the nigga i got the beef with"/

    PAPOOSE - Nation of thuga-cation
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  9. November 27th, 2007, 11:03 AM #9
    Vincent Maestro
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    Re: -The One-

    nice rhyme...was short and Sweet i like the chorus type lines in there...
    “Old and wither, but do not hither for times have change
    …Growing like weeds to exceed your preconceived range”
    those lines stuck out in my mind...
    8.5/10...
    wanna see more from you
    1
    keystyle pt.1
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  10. November 27th, 2007, 06:49 PM #10
    sILLable
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    Re: -The One-

    i dig this piece alot..imagery was on point..rhyme scheme was flawless...wordplay and vocab were ill...im not gonna single out any few lines,the whole piece stuck out too my..flowed smoothly..everything about this piece was on point...hit up my piece titled ~NO WEED~...more simplistic than i usualy spit but other than that its aiight..more emotion felt than anything...keep droppin tha hottness.~1~


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  11. November 30th, 2007, 10:58 PM #11
    Leonidas
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    Re: -The One-

    Up. Thanks for feed.

    Also, if you didnt leave a link, I'm not going to hunt through O.M.'s to find yours, so drop a link to it if you want feedback.
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  12. December 1st, 2007, 04:57 PM #12
    JayCee.
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    Re: -The One-

    nice piece famo, good imagery and emotion, nice wordplay, rhyme scheme and vocab were illy

    i'm not to big on OM's so there's ya feed

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