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Thread: Purified Conscience

  1. #1
    Vegeta™
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    Purified Conscience

    Purified Conscience
    -Dominance





    I Fight and fight, to forget the unforgivable scene and sounds that night.
    The might and sights, despite my rights my eyes bright with pounds of fright.
    To pronounce a name would be insane such gesture would insure my death.
    I’m bestowed with an image that god himself would concur to end all breath.
    I wish I were deaf, then maybe the event would leave my brain with ease.
    The look of the girl’s eyes that night burned into my soul, ground meets my knees.
    The girl was Seized, the breeze was chilly, my eyes watered with sin.
    Soiled my brain, the infection fights to obtain and control my mind again.
    The men were drunken, the smell of the alcohol putrid, all eyes were glazed.
    The helpless woman hazy with confusion as the men beat each time she raised.
    I hate those men, the devils liquid brought out the evil, the screams were hellish.
    Satan’s breath, the smell of liquor flaming as they night they paint and embellish.
    I fell into the presence of serpents, Branded with snake eyes until my coffin made.
    I’m already laid half dead with the fiery thoughts swimming, the debt will be paid.
    To present such horrific tales would ease the satanic image, which scars eyes.
    Far off cries pierce my fate, the truth burns my memory, I reveal where it lies.
    My Mind...

    Was I so blind to see what I saw without taking action?
    Blinking distraction, seconds pass I allow such woman’s infraction.


    The police station seems quietly observational, as I enter with haste.
    The interrogation, takes place, in my mind is where I question the distaste.
    The detective naturally inspective, as I reveal the truth, alcohol is the smell.
    What I saw, my objective is to put one murderous man into a rotting cell.
    “A woman was killed sir, get to the point I hear not once a name mentioned.”
    No need for extension, my body sinks I sputter a full name, with full intention.

    Ten years later, some people call me crazy but it’s the outside world that’s truly sad.
    The other 2 men escaped, the drinks I had…well prison benefits and Cell B14 isn’t so bad.







    ...
    Last edited by Vegeta™; July 5th, 2007 at 12:51 AM

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Banned Ace of Aces's Avatar
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    Re: Purified Conscience

    decent piece here. interesting scheme. very limericky if you ask me. not used to reading much of those but you did it well. hard to do considering the length of each line. the story you had here was pretty decent with a decent message. ending came together quickly with a bit of a twist. the imagery i think was lacking considering the way the narrative was addressed. that was what could be upped to make it a better piece. but overall, not bad at all.

    peACE

    hit up my piece if you see it.

  4. #4
    Vegeta™
    Guest

    Re: Purified Conscience

    Word...the messege that the last lines send is...if he was able to think of everything that happened as being sooooo bad and satanic...means that anything can happen...and alcohol can cause serious problems...and minds are dangerous...which is why he states prison benefits and the cell isnt so bad. feel meh?...

    thanks for feed.

  5. #5
    Vegeta™
    Guest

    Re: Purified Conscience

    Bump for feed.

  6. #6
    Vegeta™
    Guest

    Re: Purified Conscience

    to the top...leave links.

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