The Next War

[Future]

The Next War

War's a joke for me and you,
While we know such dreams are true.

Out there, we've walked quite friendly up to Death,
Sat down and eaten with him, cool and bland,
Pardoned his spilling mess-tins in our hand.
We've sniffed the green thick odour of his breath,
Our eyes wept, but our courage didn't writhe.
He's spat at us with bullets and he's coughed
Sharpley, We chorussed when he sang off,
We whistled while he shaved us with his scythe.

Oh, Death was never enemy of ours!
We laughed at him, we leagued with him, old chum.
No soldier's paid to kick against His powers.
We laughed, knowing that better men would come,
And greater wars: when each proud fighter brags
He wars on Death, for lives; not men, for flags.

[Future]

up.

[Future]

up.

[Future]

up.

[EYE RONIC]

Your first stanza was the better out of the two. It had alot more imagery, the details were up to its peak, but the 2nd stanza could've taken a more elaborate turn. The title was alright, not the best for this piece, but it is good enough for a beginner like you. I'll read it a couple more times to see if its HoF worthy..

[Future]

iighty homie, thanks for hittin this up..

[NRG�]

not a bad piece, wasn't much of an intresting one to me, had some good explanation of the concept in it, but however didn't cover much of it, had some decentcy, like flow, imagery wasn't captured through the whole bit of it, but idunno not much just a bit of feed, nice shit brotha.

[Future]

He was high at the moment ladie and Gentalmen...lmao..

[Cody Nash]

wow, kind've a deep piece. war pieces dont seem original to me but the way this was written was kind've cool. you have a flow to your pieces that almost drags the reader in forcing or compelling them to read the rest of it. i liked how you talked about death as a relative existing character more than an object of feeling. you made "DEATH" a persona here. loved that. in the end, death ends up befriending the ones that call him foe, and in a twist of the storyline is the reason for war.

very nicely written. easy to understand. keep it up

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=305785

[Future]

..thanks homie, thanks alot...up.