Amor'

[Omega.]

She loves me, She loves me not
I love the way she fills me up with butterflies and knots
.
.
.
Her eye's yet so deriving and still yet..ponderous
my heart pounds in curiousity..
...............suddenly my emotions are wonderous......
roses are though red my face pales blue
my feelings ajure in commotion if ever you will see me with you.
i skim my cheeks, as if though my hand was sure.
my hair slowly stands from my neck, off the thought of the touch bieng her.
the shadow that once hid, is now burden'd to be free
my smiles twinkle with the sun and the moon guiding conscentiously.
I walk in a path, she takes and is still taking.
my heart rattles and starts baking, the heat starts making thy body to start shaking.
my fingers twitter as if in the cold or in dehydration
she turns to take a look, i disappear in the path she focused on with concentration
I love her sultry presence, That she bestows with grace
Smile to fit right in with her personality, her legs, hips, thighs, waist and face
Do you believe in love at first glance or i mean sight?!..
I always thought i believed but i never took advantage or the moment nor the night.
Her appearance...traps me in some sort of trance.
my heart pounds in curiousity...
.................suddenly im in love with a glance.........
.
.
.
She loves me, she loves me not
I love the way she fills me up, but this time she does not stop.

[Lord of Pens]

Okay, I can tell you now that I'm not much of a poem person man. But I'll try the best I can. Emotion was showed very well in this piece. Vocabulary was also good. A few typos here and there but that can be fixed. It was an enjoyable read though. The rhyme scheme here was basic. It seemed to fit the piece but I still think you could've done more with it. Structure was good also. So basically a good piece man. Keep writing. Hit me up whenever you need feed.

If you don't mind please hit up Barbershop in my sig. A collab I did. Slept on drastically. It'd be appreciated.

[Omega.]

thanks man i will....

[Omega.]

well upping this ish man come on now..

[Cody Nash]

it was aiight. the whole "love" vibe was present and you did a good job w/ everything. your vocab was a little odd/rocky at times and i think you should've used different wording. You had a couple missused words in there as well, but the storyline was that of a typical poem. you write like a simplistic version of an OM, i like pieces like that. you've got something going on here, so just perfect that skill and you'll be good.

- Nash

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=303987

[Omega.]

thanks fam appreciated upping this now!

[Omega.]

bump .