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dude i see u hzve an ok rhyme scheme but u had multis that were useless...
ur vocab could have been upped.. and u could have picked a better topic
so it would have been more intresting.. and ur creativity and imagination werent there..
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I Think It Was Hot. I Liked The Topic, It Flowed Well.
Nice. -holla-
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Only one thing I didn't like about it and that was the vocab...You forced a lot of rhymes....^^^people are right....would be much better as a topical........Nice other than that though....Had a good idea to write about and you got your message through....I really enjoyed reading the piece...........Keep up your writing and improve/lengthen your vocab....NICE PIECE!
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impressive...lyrically you stumbled around a *little bit - but the good shit was good enough to cover that... i enjoyed reading it...kept my attention - kept my interest...even made me think...good work
kasper
check out my last post
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=233703
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