for the ladies

[Truth]

look gurl we been togetha for a little while/
and i still get chills everytime i see u smile/
u left and my world went black/
heart wrenchin pain felt like heart attack/
in my bed layin on my back/
cryin gurl i just needed u back/
in my life as my wife we should neva be apart/
i am u and u are me/
one day i promise we gone have a family/
thru all the doubters and stormy weather/
i know me and u we belong together/
cause we got somethin special/
like that 38 or that day i laid eyes on you/
from that moment on i knew our love was true/
the seed was planted and now we standin face to face in the room/
our love is a flower girl just let it bloom/

thats the first verse holla at the kid and let me know what u think

[Iljas The Illest]

Not bad, vocab is simple but it works. I don't get that whole mention of "like that 38". The piece seems to just go back and forth and be kinda...unsmooth. You repeated yourself a few times, too. I couldn't really catch a flow to it, so work on that.

[Dan Dare]

Please read the rules. You need to post two links, to two OMs you left decent feedback on, or this gets closed. Thanks.

[CrazyCarl]

Simple verse. Would have like to see more concepts like the heart attack and flower in the drop. Those two that you did use could have been developed better. Wordplay like that makes the piece unique. Creativity helps in verses like these to keep it from sounding like drops on the same topic. The one long line in the closing couplet stands out as stretched.
Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=200068

[Trema]

This post was pretty simple, not much skill!!!!

Your lines came off very weak, and yo vocab was to! Once again this topic you used-done in the right way could of been dope if you had expressd mo of what you was trying potray in ya verse! But seriously this is lacking alot of things and i think you and i both know that you need to elevate dawg! Not being harsh but i didn't find this good at all!

[Enemy]

I read ya verse man

It's pretty simple and it's more reminding me to a lil poem or sumpthin. (No disrespect!)
Look, you could try to rhyme the last 2 or 3 words in a line for example, this would be positive for u as a lyricist.
Even though I know we all started from the point that's zero...
That's why I recommend u to keep doin ya thang, ya dig?

Aight

Stay up
Enemy

[sILLable]

i thought this piece was aiight...it was a bit simple....had imagery..it wa very short...you need more complexity in your piece...and in your rhyme scheme......work on your creativity....you vocab could have been improved somewhat...it was consistent though..keep droppin and elevatin.~1~