As I fall asleep
I try to dream of you
But I cant...
For you have exceeded
My greatest imaginations
And made them reality
As I fall asleep
I long to be near you
But I am...
Holding you in my memories
This hole in my heart
I've opened for you
As I fall asleep
I'm left with the nightmare
Of being without you
So please stay
So close
That my eyes close
As you fall asleep.
Last edited by Moniker; June 8th, 2004 at 01:02 AM
A ruthless
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of everything existing.Po'ethicsabstanticollective.
upp. feedback please...
A ruthless
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
of everything existing.Po'ethicsabstanticollective.
not a bad job here, Mind....pretty decent...i liked the theme
of the poem, but to me it seemed you could have benefitted
by portraying the emotion a little further...same thing with
the imagery, it really only scratched the surface for me....
regardless though , i think the simplicity of it isnt a bad thing...
because like you said, it helps the message come through
clearer...which it obviously did in this piece...nonetheless
nice work....keep it up...
Dope....
As I fall asleep
im slightly awaken by
your comforting touch
this new motivation
surging through my soul
Last edited by Mantra; May 13th, 2004 at 05:12 AM
...
yeah, i know what you're saying. i was hesitant though, because i didnt want to over saturate to the point where the message wasnt clear. and i think thats why i didnt put as much into it as i could have. thanks for the advice. appreciate it.
A ruthless
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of everything existing.Po'ethicsabstanticollective.
upp
dont sleep
A ruthless
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of everything existing.Po'ethicsabstanticollective.
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