children can teach us lessons

[Spoken]

yo all thanks for checking in here it goes,

I find myself again staring up thoughtless at that old ceiling fan//
thinking of all those great times together wanting just to hold in my hands//
I will never forget the way your toothless smile unburden my days//
and how your permanent endearment change forever my ways//

Every breath u inhaled through your miniature freckled nose//
made my whole body chime with love right down to my toes//
Every beautiful sight that your vivid brown eyes did take in//
made me apprehend that God does relinquish all of my sins//

You taught me everything with your heart pure of gold//
critical things like your love for someone is prime to be told//
You taught me substance that only a genuine child could teach//
essential things to you like just the right way to bite into a peach//

All of your clever dreamy lessons I will never forget//
but I am asking one big-hearted last favour from you yet//
All that I ask of you is mere yet so significant//
I am asking you to never forget this face and to wait for me up there high in heaven.... //


yeah the last line doesnt really fit but hey start uppin this shit

[Spoken]

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[Spoken]

looking for some replys here keep on coming

[SmoothCrmnl]

ey girl..it seems we encounter eachother again and yet you never make it a dull visit...you got mad skills and i can envision each - and - every line that comes together to make come to life...i felt you on this - keep it up boo

holla

[blood__thick]

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[blood__thick]

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[Spoken]

thx all except thick blood here keep uppin

[shiznit]

alright...this piece is not that bad but couldve been better ya kno if u used wordplays...but that was just a suggestion..i mean its good as it is....

the content of this piece was pretty interesting by the fact that u structured it according to what u want....and thats really impressive

well..i liked it ...

[Varentao]

I liked this filed.

Though i felt you were a bit too elaborate at times, especiallyt in terms of the ryhme scene.

But using a kind of simplicity you really bought this piece out to the reader. Especially the way you implemented imagery.

..resp..



PS

I will close this thread. When you have LESS THAN 2 pieces on the first page, PM me, Shiznit, Phrantik or Deacon and we will re-open it and up it to the first page. Sorry, not your fault. Rule only started 8 mins ago.