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Thread: ...:::Tin-Man Complex:::...

  1. #1
     Murder The Mainstream Nohbody's Avatar
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    ...:::Tin-Man Complex:::...

    Tin-Man Complex
    .....
    ....
    ...
    ..
    .

    I’m a relic suspended in animation
    The unintended consequence of being stalled in cessation
    Every feeling felt is all but altered replication
    The foundation to the soul built on flaws & complications


    stop

    If you wait long enough, you’ll halt & sink within
    Until the issues you contain are too restrained to tinker with
    I tried to pick the pieces up, but split my troubled heart
    Scattered on the floor, life is shattered puzzle parts
    The subtle art of living life in the distance
    & balance giving what you take with remaining intimate
    Taking habituates until visions ruminate
    Reclusive to a fault and still the rumors cumulate
    Alienated, crazy how we acclimate to loneliness
    Then let the silence it creates become harmonious
    My only wish, not to be tossed out into the dark
    For my Tin Man suit accommodated me without a heart
    Every part of me seems muted to the feel
    A trial run of self denial shoved into a muses shell
    Climbing from that ruse, companionship is what I seek
    Every time I open up it reveals that I am weak
    Not to be misunderstood is the conundrum that I seek
    I’m unstable, but it’s hard to table fundamental needs
    Each attempt to speak, the words are foiled by pain
    Today I hope the forecast calls for oil in the rain
    My life contains a spoiler, it’s so predictive in the end
    Situated on the fence so long the metal starts to bend
    And with every dent the hardship starts again
    My rusted joints in atrophy & far too gone to mend
    This make-pretend arrangement engraved into my brain
    So many questions hanging over me I can’t explain
    They give suggestions but I’m not susceptive to change
    Upset that life is out of sorts & too complex to rearrange
    So if a stranger asks, tell them to tap against my chest
    And let the hollow tin echo the emptiness possessed

    As I rest under the sun
    Entangled in roots

    I’d love to see the ones who judge me
    Step in this suit


    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...7-Hold-Onto-Me
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...The-Elder-Tree
    Last edited by Nohbody; October 15th, 2021 at 11:44 PM

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  2. #2
    Soule
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    Re: ...:::Tin-Man Complex:::...

    This was dope. A lot of solid wording from beginning to end. Crazy that I just did that tin man piece a bit ago, though mine wasn't quite as consistent about the metaphor as this one was. Think the flow here stood out the most. Really smooth. I liked the oil in the rain line quite a bit. Good shit man, worth the nom-nom.

  3. #3
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: ...:::Tin-Man Complex:::...

    "Today I hope the forecast calls for oil in the rain"

    Really loved this line specifically and there were some other standout lines just like that which I could vibe with. It was a very poetic style OM with lots of cool language. I really was a fan of the "emptiness possessed" part that ended it, felt like you could've made it maybe a little smoother right there? But that's me reeeeeallly nitpicking from my writer brain and looking for something to critique when really there's no need to do that because I just enjoyed it from start to finish haha. I liked how it was like a tin-man confessional from an emotional/personal standpoint and not just some wizard of oz flip. There was a ton of vivid and colorful images thrown in there and I really enjoyed the read man. Deserving of the nom from Soule' for sure! I would second that nomination. Will definitely keep reading your work as long as I stick around these parts. Much love.

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