Critique this rap I wrote

[Mattjam]

Hey, new member.

I just wrote this to a friend from Oregon on another forum (Red) who battle raps back and forth with me in PM's. He hasn't responded to my past few raps so I don't think he'll ever see it but I liked this rap too much to let it go to waste, lol. So here it is. Please critique.

The freshest one on the beat/that’s right, Matthew/And no, I’m not a G/But I might smash you/You got me hollering/now, twice at you/because you didn’t respond to me/why’s that dude?
I’m knee deep in the reasons/we should be beefin/it’s decency, even to treat me with reason/The way we’ve been in the recent is seeming like treason/Write me back, Red, before it changes seasons!
To freezing cold/I hope your knees’ll hold/When I make em buckle, spittin a decent flow/
I’m in your town, and all over these remote/
Cities in Oregon/Your girl’s titties, I’m adorin’ em/And she’s a ho/When I leave, she’s beggin’ please don’t go!
But there’s no reason for me to talk about your ‘girl now, dude’/When the reason I write this, is to ‘turnaround you’/
Because you need to sign in to ‘your account to’/read my PM’s, and ‘murder raps too’/
Because the way we were was perfectness/One would have a word to spit/And when the other heard of it/we both knew it was worth a shit/
Both our flows are permanent/and when combined, we’re murkin’ it/servin’ em/
Send them to hell and let them burn in it/
One day we’ll get further than/the motherfucking turtle when/the hare fell asleep, and let the fucking turtle win/
Until that day, though, we gotta keep on workin’ it/So write me back, man, and promise me you’ll murder it.

[Joe Boston]

The flow was kinda hard to catch

[Fuk Catipillar]

yeah i agree with above poster, but it might be the way you set it out. I would also say try to mix up what you start each line with - starting them with the same word too much kinda makes it sound less edgy.