Hip Hops Farewell

[antology]

My love an my passion, is vanishing in this art,
Cause im rationing out my heart, disappearing in scars,
Like a tune from a guitar, torn apart from its strings,
I use to think hip hop and me were the same thing,
As if we were hinged, our homes under our wings,
but different things and events prevents me to think,
which brings me to raps deaths, consumed in an eye blink.

My mind and body’s full of emotion I feel,
The feelings so real, unstained like stainless steel,
But this page repels ink, appeals the thoughts I think,
So translations concealed, when it comes to when I sing,
It use to be therapeutic, like a natural spring,
But now its just exhausting, like scoring on a rare fling,
So fuck it, I give in, this rap game can win.

My brain and my heart, unite to start writing,
A light bulb ignites for the right to take part in,
A start on this page, describing my life to date,
But that light bulb fades, with every piece that’s made,
Im a slave to discrimination placed in rap nation,
That’s why my admiration is fading with haste,
So have a taste if you want, this game just haunts and taunts me,
We don’t relate at all, the last part to this story.

So Long………………………………………


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ie-374943.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...sk-374957.html

[antology]

Come on people please feed

[AlphaMetric]

ill get to that later man... 4 am here... need sleep... just pm me if u want to collab alright peace

[menolin]

thought your flow was a little off, but maybe thats how i read text, i always have a beat on so my flows probably hard to understand, plus im english.

My brain and my heart, unite to start writing,
A light bulb ignites for the right to take part in,

^i liked this, the flow and imagery if all your verse flowed this well it would be pretty sick.

i was expecting something different from the title, the first 2 paragraphs end after 7 lines, you should make in 6 or 8 imo, throws it off when reading through. like the personal feel, but dont feel you pull it off, to me it goes from good lines full of promise then switches to somethin a bit shit..

My love an my passion, is vanishing in this art,
Cause im rationing out my heart, disappearing in scars,

1st line good, second line i dont really like.

but you show some promise.

[Mr. Wells]

I liked this piece, the way you worded it was very emotional, kinda like a piece you'd see from Eminem, rapping about his mom or something. I agree with the dude above me though, it was kinda hard to get into a flow with it.
Well done though.

[Open Mic Surgery]

the flow was a little off and kinda gave it like a Poetic touch but other than that you stayed on topic. the best way to fix the flow up would be to use some multi's (2-3 syllables) which ever you perfer. in my eyes this would make a better Poetic Scripture than a Open Mic but you still had some good emotions so yeah practice on those multi's.

[antology]

Cheers people, keep it coming

[Mystik Taktix]

its not bad at all, i think you had good imagery in the first part about the guitar. i understood it. the light bulb things a little different. i agree with menolin that i didnt really follow your flow either but i struggle with the same thing. i give it like a 6 or 7 outta 10

[antology]

Ok all the new people thanks for the feedback but can some more experienced writers leave feed too. please.

[Mr. Wells]

Word, always nice to hear a veterans feed.
Could you leave some decent feedback on my "Kid with the mask" OM?

[AlphaMetric]

i dont know, id like to disagreed with these peoples, i had a great flow.... and this was really emotional too... i felt it... all thats missing really is some multies im sure would be able to fit in here... but other than that, nice piece man, check out my piece,,

[antology]

Cheers for the feed, can i please get more experienced feed.

[antology]

bumpin for feed

[Fatal.]

This was pretty good man. the flow was a lil choppy here and there but overall it was a good read. felt the emotion. strucutrue was nice. and the rhymes were good. liked this peice bro. keep writing. hit up my peice i'd appreciate it. thanks

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...we-375093.html

[.::Coherent::.]

Nice imaginary and flow... ya metas were kinda genric but they fit well.. Liked the story you told as well, very well thought out. Vocab coulded been uped, but this was a solid piece fam. EMotion was dope as well..