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Thread: In The End

  1. #1
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    In The End



    'The horsemen of the apocalypse draw near'

    As he battles through the maze
    Of a world enclosed in haze
    His increasingly weary legs
    Tell of these apocalyptic days

    With a flicker of luminosity
    Christians vanish out of trace
    Resulting in animosity
    For those that remain
    The rapture has occurred
    God has rescued his people
    And left the rest to burn
    Those that remain are weak and feeble

    Lonesomeness takes its toll on this man
    His wife and children are absent
    As he stumbles across unholy land
    Falls flat on the sand
    and abandons his search
    Church was once an option
    Which he didn’t take, and now it hurts

    For all hope is lost,
    demons gather round
    To serve up riposte
    on the soul they have found
    Satan is evident
    and a living force
    We thought not of his relevance
    Now he rides on a demonic horse
    Gathers the remainders
    Of a planet once vibrant
    Those who fought are now painless
    They left with perfect timing

    For Satan has no heart
    As God has no sin
    What he has planned from the start
    Will finally begin
    His demons fight off the last of our race
    And without haste they light a fire
    Within the flames of this furnace
    Are the remnants of a world now expired

    Earth is smothered in a cradle of smoke
    As the rest of the universe implodes
    Into doom by god, Satan is shoved
    Shortly followed by the ones you love


    People will now live eternally, in a world of glee
    But the majority will be tortured in searing heat
    God came through for his people, and showed his grace
    Those who did not believe are left with a bitter taste

    'Satan attacked and captured our world
    now all he took forever,will burn'

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  2. #2
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Last edited by Witty; June 15th, 2006 at 03:37 PM

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  3. #3
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    uppin

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  4. #4
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    well 1st of all i did the same ryme scheme as u and i got mauled for it so if u dnt then i wont be happy.............the rymes wer gd tho and the topic was a different 1 frm the others

    For Satan has no heart
    As God has no sin
    ^^ ma fave line because its well i cant xplain it really i liked it

    the structure was good and the lines wer not streched at all.....they wer nice and short and very effective....nice wording and it was really clear what u was tryin to get accross

    overall it was a dope peice keep rytin

  5. #5
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    thanks.uppin

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  6. #6
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    This was a very good piece, as you know i have a taste for demonics and this piece did vibe "animosity" or enimty, enimty of satan to the lords lamb. the flow was good but i reckon that sometimes yuo couldn't grip the rhymscheme correctly, i can see an atticus influence with the scheme but you need to practice more on that aspect. The description was very good and the vocab in certain parts was very well done while in others it fell. Overall, i believe this is a good piece but deffinetly not your best, just kee it up.

    Do check this, when you can na mean
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=297463

    (England 2-0, but respect to trinidad &tobago, they did play pretty aight)

  7. #7
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    Word to this. This was excellent to me. The wording was perfect. Your imagery with demons n' people in suffering was great. This piece actually made me think which is hard for me to do,but this made it easy which is what made it so enjoyable for me. The structure was great easy for me to follow with the rhyme scheme that you used. I mean you did great out of all the reads I've received from you this is among the best.
    Overall this speaks for itself.........It's excellent.
    Life Is 10% What Happens To You;
    90% How You React To It.

  8. #8
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    thanks dude,uppin

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  9. #9
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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  10. #10
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    I read this yesterday and I actually liked this piece a lot.I am not a fan of your rhyme scheme but you made it work out.Your wording was very impressive here.Imagery was nice and you did a very good job on describing everything.Very creative......I always like someone who makes use of a picture and writes to it and even in the piece you showed some very good creativity.Sometimes the flow well and was simple in places but the piece was still good.I lied this bro and no doubt you will keep this up.

    -Dyl
    "Children and lunatics cut the Gordian knot which the poet spends his life patiently trying to untie."
    Jean Cocteau

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    Imminent Evolution



  11. #11
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    thanks dude it's appreciated a lot....I'm just about to leave feed on yours now.

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  12. #12
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    bump

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