I Will Go Down w/ This Ship

I Will Go Down w/ This Ship
I Will Go Down With This Ship | Multifandom - YouTube


Love comes in so many facets and fashions
There are all these different levels and reasons for passions
They say you go to hell when you lose your first love
And that’s exactly what happened when I lost faith in God above
We’ve both come so far since rain kissed beaches
My heart aches but I’m only free when the lightening reach us

“I promise I’m not trying to make your life harder I will return to where we were”
Let the chorus play

Woke up stunned like all I was going for but more was my child
Walking thru war fencing the wild and then FatherTime smiled
I don’t remember much of the “poison that set in”
I just know if I have to, I will go again and again
I didn’t weave the web but I have the patience to ware it out
I didn’t mean to bother you but at first had no doubt

“And if you live by the rules” (I am sure that it’s over)
Let chorus play

I know I promised I will never lie to you again
I haven’t but all they were doing was pretending to be my friend
Always haunted and trapped…
It was more for an angle that had to be exact
Still feeling every foreign soul that never had the right
But I won’t give in, no flags wavin’, and to the end I fight



I hope you never felt like I’ve moved on…

This kind of a play off that Dido song "White Flag" possibly? Feels like you used some of the same language from her song but gave it your own spin. I like this a lot more than the other one I gave you feedback on! Definitely a totally different writing style and a 180 degree flip from the vibe you gave off in the other. This was much more poetic and have some structure to it where as the other felt more like a freestyle. I don't mean to compare your different pieces, just comes natural since I read that other one recently. But it's not a bad thing that you're versatile either. I really dug what you did with this one for sure. Good read for sure though. It'd be cool to see you incorporate more multisyllable style rhymes into your work is what I would critique if I had to say anything about what's missing? But really that's just me reaching for criticism than anything. The single word rhyme patterns are also cool when you're speaking more poetically the way you are here. Much love, keep writing!

dope dude this freaken rocked structure wise it was loose enough to have an original concept about it..

the vocab was passionate and personal..

the flow off the hook..

deep piece kid keep it real one love