The Reason 4 Seasons.

http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e1...alexiuss-1.jpg
The Reason 4 Seasons
An IJL Collab with a special apperance by Slim Desperado

Slim D.
My purple tendons
spread unevenly
across the steep face of the manor
smothered by cotton fields of snow
I have sown with that great scythe
my finger. I feel my sleep,
draining towards the apricot sky.
it doesn't look like lead anymore.
I kiss
A herd of my swerving children
lying like goats in the sky
with an armageddon brush
I transform them into shapes.
A silver dog,
the vessel I have chosen
shakes the river off its
coat, sniffing at an eruption
of blossom pink pollen spores;
subsequently, a soft sphere lands on its nose
and causes it to sneeze comically.
A young man walks out of his apartment,
takes off his jacket, turns around,
puts it back inside.
Several people eat on patios,
picking charred chicken off the bone,
the veins of blood visible.
a pile of mashed potatos
looks like
how a mound of snow once did.
This is a time of birth, of birth and re-birth
the sun soaked forests are a canvas for
each still life, each flower and bird and insect
I smear across the map.

Ntalek
I smile when happiness
overwhelm's me, blushing
and blowing demulcent
winds. Whilst taking deep
breaths in and out.
The tears of joy decant,
down toward the wrinkles
within my senescent structure.
Acting as an affusion-pouring
downwards. Upon the hard heads
of these effrontery pedestrians,
walking immoderately across my
soul. My skin crawls of maltreat.
I wish to incinerate those who
abuse my beauty, setting my soul
ablaze by masking me in pollution.
I can barely breathe as winds calm
to nearly none. I stare at naked
souls as I look upon my torso.
Waving heat strokes as I incline
my position. Clothing material
has lacked due to my obscene
behavior. Now you wish I'd cry
don't you. I shed no remorse.
You have yet to listen to my
silent whispers, your cloth's
have misinterpreted my
meaning and
"I beg to differ!"

Spoken Deity
I let night off its leash,
while the sun creeps behind drapes
of space, letting the stars
shed their cape of fear
so that they may dance a bit in
a lover’s eyes…
The new cold is brisk, searing
on my flesh, now smothered
by the dead fire leafs…
My children, killed by
plagues, carried by breath
of Gods;
Putrid. Stinging.
Orchards of red,
covered by minstrel blood
of the children now orphaned;
forgotten.
Soulless trees weep
for their baron wombs,
seeing the sky usher in
rolling clouds ready to
drop a new sense of purity over
the graves… As cold gets colder,
my soul grows weary of
changing tides.

P. Macto
Loitering scum, coated under litter
as I, coated under a blanket of soot.
Though, for aesthetic pleasantness
I have been given a quilt of white;
I tremble, yet make you proud,
Wearing your cape of white;
Invisible, as you trampled upon the ground.
Awoken by the deceptive gleam of the sun;
I feel fresh yet frost bite stings my ankles;
And I’m having a bad hair day...
My fringe an icicle chain.
My hands are all swollen
Eyes red, sort of weary;
Awaiting my morning breakfast;
And there it is, on time, a toast
And a half empty coffee from Starbucks.
Maybe, there is no hope
in this endless cycle of gloomy repetition.
Yet I have heard many a man say
“That only after the darkest day comes light”
Then maybe there is yet hope;
To be awoken by the Sun’s warmth
And cleansed by the first break of rain.


Slim Desperado - Spring
Ntalek-Summer
Spoken Diety - Fall
P. Macto - Winter

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...es-377644.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ce-377801.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...html?p=6622494
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...html?p=6622480

i really liked the picture you used.the colors are real nice to look at but i have to leave feed on the poem and not the picture.......the concept was real cool and i liked the way a diffrent person did each season to give diffrent perspectives and writting styles.I have sown with that great scythe
my finger<

um yeah...!

leave links I know it looks long..I'll rtf..its a short read really though..;)

Im stoked this finally got posted!

that shit is tight i hope i get in this league

real feed would be appreciated...I'll rtf leave links!

One word defines this piece.


Nominated.


Will leave actual feed soon.

uppppp

lol @ 88 views, 7 post... 6-8 of them from people that wrote...

um..word..come on pps leave links hell even 2-3 links I'll hit them all..

first off, thats a great image.

as for the piece, great job. Slim D definitely did a good job in getting me to read on. I until I saw Nitalek's name I had no idea it was a collaboration. (I skipped the fine print.) Then I had no idea that it was a four person collab, but that came as a good suprise because each word left me wanting to read more. This has been one of the better collabs that I've been able to read in PS. You all did a good job in keeping the theme within range, even though you all did show off your individual styles. good job, definitely worth the nomination.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ll-378950.html

there's my link if you could.

ahh so this is the finished product?

nice.

each piece read as a complete work on its own... but still flowed with the others as one whole poem. well done.

first....

built up to a strong finish... absolutely loved the last four lines. the use of 'smeared' was perfect.

felt that right here:

Quote:

---

coat, sniffing at an eruption
of blossom pink pollen spores;
subsequently, a soft sphere lands on its nose
and causes it to sneeze comically.

---

your language could be a bit softer. eruption, spores, subsequently, sphere, comically... seemed too technical for me. and im not explaining it very well... because technical isnt the word im looking for, but im not sure how else to say it. lol.

second...

you already got most of my thoughts on this part... so now imma go into teacher mode. lol... why do you choose to break your lines where you do? in places it seems as if complete thoughts were broken up in order to keep the lines uniform. periods seemed as if they should be commas in places... or even line breaks. a personal preference though... when i read, i am naturally inclined to pause a thought where the line ends... but had to counteract that several times while reading. and while im a sucker for brilliant verbiage.... sometimes a more simple approach can make your images even stronger.

third...

second piece ive read by you tonight. im really a fan. loved the opening... from that first line you had me.

and this:

Quote:

---

Orchards of red,
covered by minstrel blood
of the children now orphaned;
forgotten.

---

was ill. the flip on 'minstrel' blood of orphans... love it.

uggh. gimme something to critique! ha.

fourth...

liked how you brought it full circle at the end... to wrap around back to the beginning.

Quote:

---

And I’m having a bad hair day...

---

ha.

almost a casual vibe to yours. dug the voice of the winter.

Quote:

---

My fringe an icicle chain.
My hands are all swollen

---

i wish you had kept the structure of the first line into the second... and added onto the second line to extend the metaphor

My fringe, an icicle chain.
My hands, swollen pendants

or something like that. not a good word... but hopefully it illustrates my point....


overall... very distinct styles... but i liked that. gave each season a personality beyond the words you used to personify and present them.

nice work gentlemen.