Ok No Bullshit Just Straight Wanting To Elevate Gimmie Ur Thoughts

Kid you know you cant ~Fuck With This~ its like you ~Suck This Dick~ cos i just ~Splerge Ya Chest~ and ya whole family but i fucked ur sister so we ~Emerged With Insest~

Infest dieases with your best and most ~Eliete Tactics~ i blast nothing but fiya its like i ~Beat Matches~ ~Discreet Batches~ of your bones mixed with pieces of your ~Broken Microphone~

You stand ~Unspoken Sike Your Dome~ with compliant, defiant, type of ~Rhyming Skills~ im ~Defiying Scarry Thrills~ to all these sucka emcees i know i said i aint gangsta but ~Fuck The Past~

Ya bones get crushed and like ~Dust Ya Surpass~ people in a ~Abnormal Strcutre~ ~Ya Straps Punctured~ because my ~Lyrical Hollow Tips~ are falling rapidly ripping your capacidy leave you ~Satrical Abolish Bitch~

From my sight grab the mic and your arm i stab it right and leave it bright red like a ~Synical Polished Wrist~ your rhymes are fiction like in the streets theres ~Minimul Diabolic Kids~

I spit with a persise and a *Supreme Ideology* makin you want me to ~Grab MoPenz~ so i do but its a bad wish cos i ~Stab Yo Lenz~ and you seeing things in double visin like ~Cracked Glasses~

Everytime i spit you can only see but cant breathe cos of the smoke and fire like ~Surrand Wraped Bastards~ *tearing you down* like its ~Extreme Makeover Home Edition~

Hear crashes and bashes see a buch of white shit like abstract whip lashes your blood is ~Instreamed Takeover Your Dome Canabilism~ starts and its ether this one or ether this 2 so i rip you in two quorts like Nas did to ~Curtis Jackson~

Put you in my "Piggy Bank" because i ~Merk this so called Assian~ i kill mc's and show no compassion like having a straight faced orgassem i make ya pores spassim

Because i got yall in shock and laughin like i had thee ~Ability Of Rakim~ subtract these mc's and femcees you get ~Agility Above Sobbin~ cuts of De La Hoya when he faced B Hop

Like *Rice Krispeys* i snap crack and ~Pop you Killin Me~ yea right you aint a villin see i disperce weak herbs throw em to the curb and leave em in a manner of ~Hostility~

I observe fucks like *Porky Movies* threw openings a ~Peek and Splerge~ ~Teach Then Serve~ see im a rapping god because i could rap for *seven days straight* and still not have a ~Week Verse~

I hate your spelling, it killed the flow of your verse. I had to re-read some lines. And I had some trouble understanding some of your metaphors. Otherwise, I thought the vocab was appropriate...you tried to keep this piece gritty, but not bog it down with big words. Overall, it was worth reading. Just edit the spelling CORRECTLY and this piece will be nice.

spelling is as bad as mine and similar styles i like your gritty approach and yuour punches had heat i feel that i likes this mucho mijo i give this love

Dude your verse was tightly pieced with punch lines, it's just that spelling and the layout you used. Make it less complicated for you lines to get read. But u hot! Peace

thanx upping just trying to find a style thats easy to read but is also complex cos im a complex type of mc

I Agree W/ Everyone Else, Nice Piece, Dope Punchlines........
Work On Ya Spelln, Tighten That Shit Up, But Its Hott Officially
All You Gotta Do Is Stay Droppn Like That & Its Fire........1

Whaddup,
I thought it was dope. Keep it up. Hy

thanx famz uppin this bitch

not bad dogg work on rhyme scheme words are a lil played,but not bad dogg keep it up!!!!!!!!

First off youve got a nice flow but some of your punches were weak a few of em were decent but i thought this could of been better.
Your structure needs to be worked on cause it was hard to follow your vocab is fine your flow is good so next time you write just try to come up with some harder punches or metaphors. Overall a decent verse.

Return the favour.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=180994

Quote:

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Originally Posted by warchild

First off youve got a nice flow but some of your punches were weak a few of em were decent but i thought this could of been better.
Your structure needs to be worked on cause it was hard to follow your vocab is fine your flow is good so next time you write just try to come up with some harder punches or metaphors. Overall a decent verse.

Return the favour.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=180994

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thanx i feel what your saying and next key i will try to do so

Ok...not bad, but you need to learn to not stretch your linez. I have a problem wit that sometimes, and overall its bad, cuz it makes the readers stop reading your shit. And makes the flow all over the place. Your vocab seems to me you just was lookin up words in the dictionary when you wrote this. I could be wrong. Extend ya vocab and be creative, but not to where we can understand what your saying...Overall though, it was decent, but could use some extra work...

Put you in my "Piggy Bank" because i ~Merk this so called Assian~ i kill mc's and show no compassion like having a straight faced orgassem i make ya pores spassim - some of this was bitten by immortal technique

first of all, get rid of the ~~~~squiggly shit~~~. It's fucking retarded.

You flow seems way off, try writing with a discernable meter. And like everyone else said, structure. In terms of punchlines, stringing a whole bunch of mediocre multies together doesn't insult people. Try making clever and funny disses instead of trying to be all hard and "Imma cap yo ass homeboi" because it just comes across as lame and stupid. You want to diss someone, embarass em, cause we know you're not gonna split their wig with an axe or whatever.

On a larger scale, I would suggest balancing yourself between writing battle rap like this and writing about things that matter to you. After all, you can only call people pussies so many times. Try writing about what's going on in your life, it will make writing more...relevant to your existence. You know?

Any fuck all you stupid people who keep giving "yoo daat was hawt" replies when people actually need feedback. This Om Forum is going to start sucking if feedback keeps like this.