The Plunge

Been a while since I posted in OM... wrote a song yesterday that I haven't recorded. Figured I'd show you guys what I'm up to lyrically. See if you can catch this one before the last verse.




So this is for you.. because I'll never forget...
for the times that we shared and how you earned my respect...
I said... you held me down. you never overstepped -
you supplied me with a canvas for every single regret...
yes... like Davey Jones - while I was tryna run a proud sea
I fell inside a puddle and came out covered in algea...
oh, so soft, with a hand so cloudy -
I didn't just get a blanket.. you also put it around me.
I took the plunge - I breathed you into my lungs
I let my mind wander.. & it started to run...
like a vampire - cold... given all of my love...
& your heart's so warm it reminds me of the sun...
yeah, we were one, until it burned me. thirdly...
now you're holdin' all the memories that learned to hurt me.
you're writin' to a beat.. like your words are working
but you're bendin' all my fingers like mercy... mercy...

If you just tunin' in.. know that this is for you...
if you loved - if you hurt, yeah, this is for you...
yo, this is for the people always sayin' you changed
'cause the ink is the blood & the pen is the vein. x2

I've always been emotional, my heart has BEEN exposed to you
you turned a blind eye like this isn't what you're suppose to do.
like you ain't opened, too... yo, I'm just a ghost to you...
hauntin' all ya thoughts but the hand is where the motions move.
I'm rollin' through... like I'm sand upon the beaches
I'll be starin' at the ocean 'til my pen & pad's depleted...
right up 'til I'm screamin' for a God I don't believe in
& you're my winter solstice on a cold December evenin'..
I'm headed East because I live in the West....
I think the South is too warm & the North is a mess...
I stress... I'm sick of girls with a lack of common sense
ones who love for a night with a flick of the flesh... heh..
my head is weak, so I'm workin' out my brain...
benchin' more than its weight but it hurts me the same.
I never change... my thinkin' gets rearranged...
I got a mental block for you 'cause all you see is a name.

(hook)

I pour it & you drink it while you listen to what I'm thinkin'
but you're never the solution.. just the vessel when I'm preachin'
leechin' to my brain, but you're never feelin' squemish -
& you understand my pain... even on the lonely weekends...
I write it like I'm dreamin'... these people are bad trips,
I'm feedin' all these losers even when my hand's bit...
& I think... every night.. I really want you to live...
I wish your patience could exist inside a PERSON.. that's it...
so...

toast to the pen... to the pad... to the ink...
'cause you're the only things that keep me home when I drink.
as I sink into the paper - I'm plungin' to the depths...
thinkin' if you were a girl.. you're "the one" in my head...
writin' on a keyboard... feelin' like I'm cheatin'...
this isn't just for people.. I'm doin' this for a reason.
busy burnin' all the green.. it ain't the paper that I'm keepin'.
got my parchment on the mind...

from the stage is where I speak it

Pretty cool, can't wait to hear it in a beat.

AWHHH!!! THE FUCK! PEOPLE SLEEPING! NOOO!!!


But yeah, Cry I liked it. Good story telling, melodic feel to it... even without knowing what the beat is. Simple rhyme scheme and structure with gives it a natural fluidity. I like the picture it paints, not overly emotional or sappy, just straight-forward telling of events, with concise pacing and imagery. Overall, it is ideally simple and not composed of much complex elements, it still does the job of telling a good tale and dragging the reader off into your thoughts. Cool stuff!

thanks dudes

It's been a long time since i visited/posted this forum, I might be rusty giving you the critical feedback but here it goes....

your piece flowed very smoothly, the internals supplemented your overall flow but it also showed your ability to write a complex piece, an example is given below

toast to the pen... to the pad... to the ink...
'cause you're the only things that keep me home when I drink.
as I sink into the paper - I'm plungin' to the depths...
thinkin' if you were a girl.. you're "the one" in my head...

the emotion portrayed was very straight forward, however i think you could've added more depth, it felt like the glass was half empty

the overall story was nice :)

That shit was beautiful right there. Definitely a good read. It flowed all the way through, with no bumps along the road. Personally i was feelin the, "Holding all the memories that learned to hurt me" line. I liked the beggining of the Hook, but the last part of it about the leeches could've devoloped into something better. "A canvas for every single regret" was a nice line. All together it flowed smoothly, The transition from line to line was impressive. IMO/ This was a Good Drop.... Keep doin what you do!!

I actually love this...the verses had on point flow. I can't wait to hear this in the future.