The Littlest Thing

I guess lifes gotten the best of me
Cuz da littlest of things keep stressin me
It seems like my mind is my own worst enemy
Mentally unstable; unable to straighten myself out
Might as well say "To Hell!" with tryin to find some help
The painting of my eighteen years ain't shaped, its smeared
My pillow: The Witness, being stained by tears
I wasn't handicap or blind but I couldn't stand and face my fears
Now my mistake is clear but its too late to change
Lifes story only races forward when its turns the page
But my book has been charred and burned by rage
Patience thinned so much that i could snap and break
At the littlest thing

this was good flow was alright some of the multies seemed forced tho... the vocab could have been better and it coulda bin longer than what it was but it was good none the less.... other than that keep writing
rtf please
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...rs-399574.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...on-399678.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ft-398309.html

uppin

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ey-399840.html
rtf

this was soooo short dude put more into it, from what you hand i liked it but id like to see alot more.

hit my link back with some feed

this was OK....when i see people do OM and they make their last words rhyme....it makes the flow better when u do it evenly by bars....either every 2 bars or 4 or w/e....but when u do like 3 lines and den the fourth one dont match...kinda fucks it up for me...just my opinion....

the whole thing seemed kinda forced, like u started it, and you jus finished it cuz u couldn't think hard bout nothin else


check my shit for an exampl...
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...re-399841.html

I liked this for what it was. Seemed like a very.... ventfull drop. Like you had alot going on in your mind and you just wrote to get some shit off your chest or to relive stress.

Overall i wouldn't really considering anything to special, you got decent flow and a basic rhyme scheme but I guess to a peice like this the concept and the emotion is more what stands out and grabs the attention of the reader.

uppin

Not bad, you have the foundation for some good lines. l feel like the rhyming patterns changed a little abruptly throughout the piece and that threw me off a little, but the flow in general was pretty smooth. Also, notice that the first three lines didn't rhyme at the ends... they were just the same syllable, "me." Try to mix it up a little.

Maybe instead of:

I guess lifes gotten the best of me
Cuz da littlest of things keep stressin me

Try:


I guess lifes gotten the best of me
Cuz da littlest of things keep wasting my energy

i agree with falcon...

i felt like i was robbed cuz it was so short! try to drop longer pieces and give us a good read. I like your flow for sure.

I agree with Young Murk... this needed to be longer. The multis are a lil on the basic side but you always get better at that so no point in stressing that. Flow was fine & everything...

This was decent, but work on writing longer pieces while not just adding filler to fill in the space. If you got a good topic you always got more than enough to say.

I agree with Young Murk... this needed to be longer. The multis are a lil on the basic side but you always get better at that so no point in stressing that. Flow was fine & everything...

This was decent, but work on writing longer pieces while not just adding filler to fill in the space. If you got a good topic you always got more than enough to say.

this is okay, you have a decent rhyme scheme and structure. however, you lack word choice and your grammar is kind of distorted. this was really short and at some points the flow wasn't there but it generally was, i guess i cant really determine that without hearing it put into a mic. i feel you have some potential as a writer, but your not quite there, try expanding your horizon by reading more books or something, you might pick up better ideas and writing techniques. nice drop.

rtf
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...71#post7077871