Rules and Regulations
Please note the due times in the rules. Be on time, and as always, good luck!
Printable View
Rules and Regulations
Please note the due times in the rules. Be on time, and as always, good luck!
checking in. good luck champ.
checkers and good luck to you, miss contender.
http://i51.tinypic.com/jubzwz.pngQuote:
Let's see if I change any of your opinions of my "one-dimensional" style this week...good luck Mariah.
Alot Like Love
by Brandon Cee
This piece keeps rhythm when I'm writing the words
I need this feeling to the point that I've been striking a nerve
If this is truly how it goes, though it's kinda obscure
I'll work harder for this love that I kinda deserve
We separated, shit, we segregated in fact
But when your smile isn't there, then I'm replaying it back
And the Father's on my team, I don't say it relaxed
I need Him by my side just to stay on the track
Plus, my balance stay steady when I stray from the path
Cause you're my hope in the darkness and I pray that it lasts
Looks couldn't matter, never noticed it more
Until I knew that no persona was as gorgeous as yours
Never focused on the flaws like positive vibing
My heart felt dead like a coffin's inside me
So thank God, if she's falling or not
It's worth every single chance to give it all that I've got
This is what it's like, nothing better than this
I've reached the top already cause my message exists
And I went with a toast, I chose form when I spoke
You're a breath of fresh air that I'm absorbing the most
Never count my lucky stars, I'm not hoping to boast
But you could outshine the sun with that solar approach
Holding it close, emotion is exposing my notes
So my thoughts hit the page and compose into quotes
And they're all about you, they're all about life
I said, they're all about everything I'm thinking at night
Making strides toward something that I'm thinking is right
But if it's wrong, then I'm sorry I ain't changing your mind
I got a mountain to climb, I brought my Everest flow
Wherever you go, I'm there without a mention of "NO"
And if it's back to December, then I'm guessing it snowed
You're the single greatest story that has ever been told
Usually I'd roll credits when I'm ending a scene
But I ain't tryna stop this film with surrendering themes
Connecting the schemes and the plot, I'm getting it right
Cause I'll accept failure, but I'll NEVER quit in my life
Twisting my sides, these thorns are just stiches in time
And so if missing her is wrong, y'all just witnessed a crime
I'm running at my memory, the jogging begins
Cause the pictures become real and then I'm lost in the fringe
On a whim, this is reel like fish on a hook
When God created you, really, you got hit with the book
So you're part of something greater, I've never been clever
But you're more than what I'd die for...forever and ever
It's completely what I wanted, you're being the cure
I swear this ain't the first time that I'm speaking my core
But I hope that it's the last like I was sleeping before
And now I hope I stay awake cause I've be needing you more...
I spend nights under pressure, and then all night drunk...
Now as I breakdown into tears it feels ALOT like love
Alot Like Love
the morning is gray,
the mourning has faded with fog and sorrow
and the importance with pain
is that it's here today and gone tomorrow
I've prolonged agony,
I smile on rainy days with natural appeal
so if I happen to heal --
it's really not describing how I actually feel
the habits increase with cravings
for something richer than lust
smoke covers the dusty roads,
the cold nights leave me shivering rust
my quiver is just --
cupid on the harp plucking stringed desires
until I inhale the toxins,
and my love is engulfed by rings of fire
the wings of liars carry lungs
through my deepest asunder
as I grit my teeth,
lightning strikes without thinking of thunder
blinking, I wonder ...
what would it be like when it's eating my gums
or...if there are holy smokes,
could they have been on Jesus' tongue?
keeping it under wraps,
I take time and still manage to bruise
the answer is doomed
to be questioned when I bandage the wounds
I take a lighter and some fluid,
sit through a package or two
but the damage is crude --
oil spills and tar split my mandable too
like your average habit,
I can't just have 1 and manage to run
the hardest part of qutting now
is losing a battle that hasn't begun
command and be spun, nothing matters,
but the start of a giant
and the courage to live a consequence
without the heart of a lion
departed from Zion,
I'm given chaos and scarred within madness
hard to be dark,
when my blackened heart's charred in the ashes
stepped on when attacking,
sewn up as the needles mend a bit
but this cancer is alot like love --
I'd rather live on then meet the end of it...
http://i51.tinypic.com/r9lvmb.png
Forgive me. I miss the feeling.
This battle was as good as I thought it was gonna be, both had really great verses, brandon kept a nice flow, story line was well put together and clever, all though at times I felt some lines/metas in there were a bit vague and/or basic, like not as deep wit the visuals as most your pieces brandon, everything was on point but there were times it wasnt as strong through out for me, but just as well, there were a lot more times I was impressed, mariah was all that but just a bit more consistant, I also enjoyed her structure/flow on this a bit more, I enjoyed both stories just about equally, I just liked Mariah's structure/flow and just overall approach to her verse a bit more, close battle though, had to read it a couple times..
VOTE: MARIAH
both writers came in wanting this to what they thought was more than the other. btandon changed his style a little to prove keith stone wrong and mariah had a fairly poetic vibe that made her piece read a lot smoother than most would think as long as you see the scheme. brandon brought a touching concept with some nice flips and metaphors. mariah brought a touching subject with loads of emotion. both had really fluent and dope flow imho. pretty much sucks cuz i can only choose one. mariah had more emotion honestly. and the more touching concept. to where brandon had the better flow. but....
vote mariah. deeper piece. close as hell. determines on preference.
Mariah - interesting, the cigarette addiction can also be construed as a lot like love, as you are, well addicted to something, but the parallel you revealed at the end was a bit of a misdirection, if not a double meaning. cool. something ive found in your writing, what i think ive touched on before, and probably with the same phrasing, is the ephemeral imagery. you start out talking about how the morning is, and never return to it, it opens with an image that seems poignant because of the second line, leading me to expect an atmosphere that fits the piece - and then you revert back to a series of abstract concepts which never lend the mind a place to imagine, at all - not a single bit of atmospheric effect, just a series of metaphors and actions that exist in a black void without a backdrop. If im being a hunnid with you, its a weak point in your writing. Disclaimer: this isn't hate, seriously, I get the vibe most of you think serious critique is hate, but show me in a piece that I'm wrong, and I'll happily change my stance.
Brandon - basically the same thing for this particular piece, but overall I find your use of the atmosphere and the 'backdrop' as I'll say for tonight to be appropriate. I can't say it was the lack of it here to have the same effect as Mariah's piece, because the images were less vague and abstract and the similes and metaphors were more natural and understandable - almost cliched, but not entirely. I'd give the flow to you in this one, Mariah looked like she was trying out a new style, while your mechanics stayed to the tried and true method of multi after multi.
v - brandon
Brandon: For your concept I expected to feel a lot more emotion than I did. Reading this I just felt it was a lot of great one liners. With a solid rhyme with the multis and internals, I felt a real smooth flow. I loved the everest line, it was sick. Cool imagery amongst the lines. Enjoyable piece, simply for the lines themselves, and not so much the emotion and story, but I barely follow a story line so it worked fine for me.
Mariah: Somebody publish this in a poetry book, this was fantastic. Cool rhyme scheme, and the flow is interesting with this creative structure that was used. Filled with emotion and imagery. The piece was well worded and a highly enjoyable read.
Vote: I think she did enough to solidly kick her brother's ass here, but overall a cool battle.
Mariah
Brandon: I appreciate the risk you took stylistically - it was clearly out of character, but you pulled it off with equal aplomb, well done. I thought there was a sophomoric sincerity that permeated the verse, giving it a schoolyard charm. Though it lacked your typical knack for metaphoric language, it was far more powerful in connecting me to the emotional content. I wasn't particularly engaged intellectually, but that's ok. Again, I enjoyed this a lot, it was much lighter than usual for you, but I think you pulled it off effectively, with only a few hiccups (cure rhyming with core?).
Mariah: well, despite the appearance, the flow structure was pretty straightforward for the most part. But it was really good, just wanted to clear the air on that one lol. I think you bested your brother mechanically for sure. As for the content, I'm on the fence. I like the angle you took, comparing the addiction to cigs to love, it fit the topic well. My thing is, I didn't feel engaged, emotionally or intellectually. I think you had some standout lines, like the smile in the rain/actually feel bit, and the Holy smokes line was clever, but there weren't a whole lot of original ideas presented, and it was too detached to really hit home with me.
Vote: This is tough, but I'm gonna go with Brandon. Although Mariah tackled a more ambitious interpretation, and did so with greater mechanical complexity, I think Brandon made up for it with greater charm and originality.
I'm going with Brandon here.
I really liked the look of this battle and neither of you disappointed here. I think that with you both being so stylistically similar, it's good that you decided to carry it out this way with you both playing in new styles a bit here. I'll do this out of order, since Mariah's is fresher is my memory from reading it second, the piece itself reads very well, the language is strong and you chose a great concept for the piece, though I feel at times it was lacking some vivid imagery within it. For me, when you started this out, I expected something else, so the play on the topic was nice and I really liked the overall writing you brought, it was on point. Brandon with your drop, I feel like you stepped down imagery wise and gave it to us slightly too straight forward, which is different from you, but not OVERLY great in my mind. You've got the mechanics and flow down as usual, but I can appreciate the trial and error type style since you connected with it. Concept was simple, but effective and as noted, you wrote still at a semi-solid level and I was impressed that you could switch it up and still maintain that. Great match you guys, but overall, I was feeling Brandon's slightly more here. Props.
Brandon: This was an alright piece, I liked the message you used. The picture really went well with the topic at hand for sure. The grasping for love concept has been before, but i thought it was fresh the way you kinda brought a fresh approach to it with some crisp metaphors. The heart and casket line was ill and also the suns and the solar system was dope. You have a good flow throughout, but it kinda got a bit choppy towards the end it was still a good drop. very non one dimensional from you this week lol.
Mariah: I though this piece was also good, i liked how it rolled from metaphor to metaphor, and the whole vibe of the piece was really dark. I was expecting a piece that was actually about love, then i started thinking the piece was about a scorn lover, then at the end i liked the ending. Didnt get it all tell the second read through which alluded this the whole time. Very cleaver take on the topics for sure.
Sooo with that you both had cool verses, but in the end i think that im going to have to vote on creativity this time, and well i though Brandon was a fresh take on the topic, Mariah just out-shined him in the creative department.
Vote: Mariah
Mariah sick metaphors I really loved the emotion your structure of flow sorta changed which made go up and down a couple times sometimes I felt like you were a bit to abstractive and I took away from the piece and the shortness of it kinda struck me mad cause it felt rushed and such but for shortness is carries alot within
Brandon: easily one of the beat not for content it was good content but for the flow and story it was straight clean I read it and read it to a beat and it flow like hot lava man I really loved this piece man
For a more polished read Brandon got this with a more enjoyable read
4-4. Dammit.
Don't have much time, voting from my phone
Felt both writers did well, brought good flow for the most part and an engaging choice of topic interpretations, felt as though Brandon was edged in mechanics but the slight edge carried a less authentic feel in comparison to it's topics expectant route, an addiction as a comparison to love is a fun topic but I think you need to be very distinct in how you present it, I felt like Brandon stuck a nice mesh of topic content originality
V.Brandon Cee